Unrestful

nights.

followed by restless days.

I'm starting to think that i missed one piece of vital information somewhere alongst the chain. I keep calling all these creative directors - leaving them all these messages and 2 - COUNT THAT 2 - people have gotten back to me.

and it's haunting me.

i can't sleep at night because of this blessed trinity of reasons.
1. im worried about the suckyness of my book
2. im worried that nobody seems to return phone calls
3. im scared out of my mind that im going to be unemployed forever

man. what can i do?
what should i do?
this is probably what a man shooting blanks feels on a daily basis.


help.

First shot out of the gates

and it was hell.

i expected comfort but instead i was welcomed by approximately 7 mins of disappointment.

1st meeting and it already seems hopeless.

the soundtrack in my head is actually a mantra: have faith lil minnow. have faith.

grr.

boredom killed the jana

ironic.
that's the new definition of my life.

i'm stuck yet unglued.

feels like this is what happens when a hair thin crack appears on exquisite porcelain
it's perfect to those who haven't studied it
and revoltingly real to those who have.


i feel that way right now.
wrinkled, cracked, damaged
yet strangely still intact.

grr.
help.

Last rites

it's ironic really.
that the middle of the day
right before a long weekend
would be spent saying goodbye - not for right now but for a long long time.

today i will be making my last "official" trip into work.
ex-work.
M & I will pack up my wares
and move to hawking it elsewhere.

this certainly feels like the end of something..
and i just might need some kleenex

right now feels like a time of mourning

mourning over the loss of a partner
more than a job
mourning over the loss of great people
more than a great creative shop
mourning the end of idealism
but realizing that it was inevitable..

BUT i have to remind myself that
this is merely the end of one chapter
and i'm certain that whatever awaits me
will be filled with loveliness
be it within the realm of advertising or not.

so that's me folks.

vulnerable again

but this time, i realize the number of lovely people i have in my life.

my immediate fam, M's fam, S&Magic
The girls: Princess, Pri, Bear, Mich, D and their respective men
T&J and Baby R and all the rest of them (R&V, R&N, H2O, Lady Hawk, Noto and others) who've made it a point to reach out and pass on a big ole "get better" hug.

i appreciate it you guys.
so much.
and the older i get, there's one more thing i'm certain of:
i'm blessed to be so loved.

the next time i post, i'll be a free :{ writer.

peace.