this is me....right now.

- stressed and ready to yank every strand of hair on my head - right after i chew my fingers to nubs. its incredible how the tide moves you when it comes to the ebb and flow of our workloads in the ad biz. christmas is two point five weeks away - and we've got massive waves of work moving through our studio.

- feeling ridiculously low on christmas spirit this year. the tree went up at home - a gorgeous piece of well-designed pink/purple and green magic - and i felt, nothing. the neighbors turned on all 300,000 award-winning lights on their front lawn, blinding the better part of the durham region -- yet, the holiday spirit is still hiding from me. Usually i'm THAT annoying person when it comes to christmas time gift buying - i make lists, i check them twice, buy more than i planned, wrap copious amounts of things - and this time - nothing. I am so border-line Scrooge-like - not with the cheapness but with the attitude, it's alarming. 'Bah Humbug' - maybe i need a double shot of scotch?

- still recovering from some strain of the swine flu. thanks to my shoddy immune system, i'm left with a nasty cough that rears its phlemy head at the most awkward (re:inappropriate) moments in life.

- ready for a break (from myself and my thoughts)

- not ready for winter and its icy caress.

- unhappy that i have to wear socks now. that is the cherry on top of my disappointment pie.

- thrilled that i'm going to be an aunty. for. the. first. time. inthis-especiallyspecial-way. Actually scratch aunty, i'm going to be a periamma. And I can't tell you how many times I've rolled my eyes when I've heard that before - but now, with this little bean, I'm ready to be called Periamma in public. THAT's lowe.

- considering buying a pair of UGGS but completely unsure if its age appropriate.

- distressed that i'm thinking in terms of "age appropriate" attire. wtf. now, i feel old.

- battling a constant surge of tiredness + lethargy.

- hiding from the gym. i. must. return.

- craving some okra. except i don't even know how to buy them, let alone cook them up.

- freezing cold on the inside.

- not looking forward to a week filled with holiday 'work' parties. they come disguised as 'fun times' when in reality its just a meeting in a black dress + heels

- dying for something great to read. any recommends would be greatly appreciated.

- going to punch someone if they ask me (again) when it will be my turn to have a baby.

- seriously considering committing to this baby making process. but first, getting healthy needs to happen. according to my voice of reason - its mind over matter.

- trying to bribe someone to watch precious with me. my good friend Oprah told me I should. Apparently the rest of the world didn't get that memo.

- wishing i had a yoga buddy who lived in the area. it sucks being away from my family.

- realizing that i'm getting older and perhaps it's time to refocus on myself. i hate mature realizations. cue gagging sfx here.

- most importantly, craving something, anything with bacon on it.

this year

has flown by. And between all the events that have consumed my mind -
today, i realized something - i forgot to move forward in my own life.

not a complaint. not a regret.
just an observation.

perhaps, 2010 will be the year of jana.
because in 2009, she got shuffled and a bit misplaced.

*sigh*