Hiatus

Everyone, and by default everything, in this lifetime needs a break.
this was one of those times - and I gave myself permission to relinquish control of VN.

My life right now is chaotic to say the least: amongst the hectic that reeks of spoilt milk lays the good - nestled in clusters that are few and far between. I needed a break from myself. A well deserved time out for introspection or perhaps to fulfill my path of continual denial. So here i am, back - broken, displaced but back.

work: resembles the makings of a brothel - fickle, unstable and irresponsisble. The account team is driving me up the wall. The miscommunication sucks. But the work still keeps the home fires spittin for change

my fam: its's new years today and i didnt even remember - so that pretty much tells you where my head is at. I miss em so much. especially sparky - i never do right by him and im pretty sure ive saved myself a spot in hell because of it.

my man: 2 years was bliss. Behind millions of gallons of speedy water i once again fell in love with the sparkle in his eyes. Im sorry for neglecting you for so long. Thank you for being so patient about all of this. I God-promise i'm worth the heartache. I wish we could have a do-over, not because i regret anything or want to fix anything but simply because i'd like to selfishly relive monday. april 11th = bliss. (oh, and i got an iPod - a 20 gigger - i dont know what Im gonna do with all that space but wooohooo its all mine - thanks shugz)

health: my rollercoaster of revelations. I ignore it, regret it, fix it, ignore it, regret it...see a pattern? yup. i never learn. my side hurts - A tells me its probably a kidney infection. Either way, the clinic called and my test results are back - they urgently need to see me. god knows that doesnt sound too good. But i guess now is not a time for reflection - now is a time to pick up the pieces and learn how to put em back together.

April 13th - Happy New Year. A day that i used to look forward to in my childhood. Something about milk rice sprinkled with sugar crystals. The shanti of the temple. The ringing bells, the prayers chanted, the musical renditions of blue-toned spirituality. I miss it all. I miss peace. I miss Aiyappan. I miss being alone.

It's ironic, i always dreamt that i would one day live the dream. And i am - finally! But what was the price? i lost the jana-manual and i feel like im floundering - as im trying hard to repiece my identity.

the drama never stops especially when you're a drama queen.

Be blessed.