that drive the hubs and me into a funk.
1. Other people having babies. This requires an explanation. This weekend the hubs and I lived separately. We did our own thing and yet both our weekends were filled with babies. People making them. Having them. Trying for them. Pining for them. You name it - we saw it. Different circumstances - absolutely. But we both got the same underlying question asked many a time during the last 48 hours - when will it be our turn. Now, it's nobodys business but our own but having a broken diabetic-ridden baby is not our idea of a good time. So i'm figuring out my diabetes while he cools his heels. And we're fine with that. WTH, I'm not even 110% sure that I'm completely ready for a screaming bundle of joy. And yet, when i see all our friends venture down that path - it kinda puts me in a funk. Not because i'm not happy for them - but because their next step makes me feel peer pressured. OMG. That's it. I feel peer pressured to get pregnant.
Now, there's a wonderful reason to procreate.
2. Our families. Obviously a marriage is about negotiating between two very different continents completely removed from one another. There are things that our respective peeps do that drive the other bonkers. It is completely out of our control and we're bound not only by mutual respect and love to shut up and put up - but sometimes, and only sometimes, it drives us both into that grey zone.
And in those moments of sheer madness, for one nanosecond, we wish the other was an orphan, with no ties that bind.
3. Busy Schedules. Okay, so this one is a shadey number three. We always attempt to clear some time for each other and it works on the stuff that we can control. But sometimes, it's not us. I swear. It's the rest of the world. We find ourselves completely bogged down with event, after event, after event. And sure, we could say "no" and politely decline or just pretend we never got the invite - but most of these events spring from people that are close to us where the guilt of saying no - would be more haunting than the act of just playing along. And so we do. But of course, the lack of alone time slowly eats away at the seams of our relationship until a lonesome thread unravels and someone loses an eye.
This weekend was a combination of all three things. Thankfully none of them blew up to the point of no return. But i wonder...how strong is our bond...how much can it take..and we haven't even reached our year 2 milestone.
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2 comments:
Oh girlfriend, seriously I felt like you read my mind reading this post:)
I know I'm a lil senior to you in the marriage game, so maybe I've been going through it a little bit longer, and hopefully, I can share my experience and thoughts on this!
First, as to the baby thing, it's totally a peer pressure thing when you're hearing about your peer group getting pregnant, having babies, and gently nudging you to do the same. Couple that with the well-meaning and not-so-well-meaning adults asking you when it'll be your turn!
The baby game is really life-changing, so i commend you on taking your time for yourself and your health.
I know last year this time I was totally grappling with the baby issue and had to find the *courage* to say, "You know what, I"m happy right now just as things are. I want to wait!"
It totally helped me gain some sanity on the issue, and gave me some time to figure out what I wanted before committing myself to parenthood. I felt like that one year was God-send and now I'm totally in a mind-frame to think about having a family for ME, not for grandparents, extended family, friends, or curious onlookers.
Make sure you get into that space! It'll be a whirlwind when it starts. (Or so I've heard from EVERYONE who becomes parents to a newborn!)
As for the other issues, it's all about finding that balance that works for YOU. I think the biggest thing I've learned is that when you compromise yourself for others, it's never worth it! So now I try to find a middle ground and set that tone for how I want things in my life to be. It's helped about 99% in how I deal with extended family, juggling schedules, and all other aspects of my married life. The other 1% I've learned to let go and realized it's out of my control and out of my hands!! I can't keep worrying about it or losing sleep over it.
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