bored

stiff.

or is it loose.

i. feel. like. jello.

jiggley and undefined.

that's what a lack of craziness can do to a type-a freak, like myself. this week has been painfully slow. i quite prefer the days of running around with an exposed artery, extinguisher in hand dealing with high profile accounts, knobheads, and putting out proverbial fires. This relaxed pace has my skin crawling.

maybe i need a shot of benadryl. who am i kidding - i need the whole bottle to stave off what i'm certain is an allergic reaction to "downtime". i need to learn how to relax and enjoy this - otherwise i'll be featured in the obituaries a lot sooner than anticipated.

so i suppose its time to go home and be a wife now.

and tonight is my unfortunate night to cook. please god, pray for me and the sweet potatoes that i am going to attempt to turn into fries - using an oven! oy. the recipes look super easy online - but when i get into executing them - they feel harder than the steep climb of mt. kilimanjaro. i'm fairly certain that i'll set the fire alarm off - after all, it's my nightly ritual. that's how i alert my neighbors that somethin's a-cookin in suite 1511.

i'm so lucky the hubs is too kind to say anything nasty and moreover, thank god for his iron belly.

g'nite.

Top 10 list of life's simple and inexpensive pleasures

simple and inexpensive...now those are two words that rarely play a part in my vocab. i am THAT girl where everything that means anything is usually a complicated chaotic conundrum that costs an arm, leg and a kidney at least(if you are lucky). so having read this on someone's blog - i accepted the open tag as a challenge of sorts. let's see how long it takes me to document 10 simple and inexpensive pleasures, in no particular order.

ready...set...go..(10:24am)

one: re-reading a book from my personal collection, with a venti latte (non-fat, extra hot, extra wet, with a splash of sugar free vanilla) on my balcony in the sun. bliss.

two: going home to play with bailey. he is the simplest pleasure i know. he loves without expectation - except for the occasional walk, belly rub and treat. In fact, he'll even settle for a stalk of celery and a cuddle-nap with his bff's. i'm lucky that his circle of trust includes me.

three: hanging out with my family. this feels like a cop-out answer. everyone who knows me knows that they define me in so many ways. however, spending time with them is in fact a simple and inexpensive pleasure - so there.

four: Co. Bigelow lemon lip cream. every application makes me swoon. Not only is it a staple in my bag but it's also a great pick-me-up.

(pause: to answer a couple questions on a brief + defend the key message)

five: revisiting old memories. i heart albums bursting with all sorts of moments. i'm camera-happy all the way and tend to document every moment to the chagrin of those around me. but it makes for hours and hours of stumbles down memory lane :)

six: long phone chats with the bff. the best. only trumped by long chats with the bff in person.

(pause: two phone calls + one cup of coffee + great news - JCrew is having another sale!)

seven: an apres-dinner stroll with the hubs (minus our wallets) through the urban cityscape that we call home.

eight: sleep. elusive and oh-so-enticing.

nine: ammio's pittu.takes me back to 75 IBC Road.

(pause: reminder to fill in timesheets...bleh, the bane of my existence)

ten: writing. *sigh*. which reminds me - i need to get back to it.

and we're done.
(10:56am)


i guess i am far more grounded than i gave myself credit for. It's 10:56am and it's time to scoot to a meeting. i heart those few and far between days when the world of advertising moves at a turtle's pace.

i've got

hoppers on my mind.

*sigh*

instead, i'll be having some grilled halibut with spinach aioli.

gah.

hump day ranting

"oh my god, this is unreal"

"hold up, are they seriously talking about this AGAIN?!?!?"

"someone hand taylor a box of kleenex"

"maybe they need to exile kanyeandeveryothereffinradiostationthatplaysthisnoneffinstop"

--
and that my dear friends was my thought process this morning.
gahh! nothing bothers me more than rifling through the Economist, which deals with REAL issues, in the morning to the soundtrack of another boo-hoo celebrity-infused-perez-hilton sponsored moment. on re-peat.

FML.

--

In other news, i've got a strategy session with a client today - and i am PSYCHED. Yup, i am THAT geek. Heck, if you get paid practically nothing to do what you love doing - then you might as well milk the few moments of bliss for all their worth.

Advertising is totally my first-love. She's high-maintenance. Requires a truckload of TLC. Demands my undivided attention. Makes me work into the wee hours of the morning. Expects me to kiss-face and ass at more events than I have the bandwidth to handle. Pushes me out of my comfort zone on a daily basis. Makes my heart pound at the thought of a great strategy and the potential of phenomenal creative. Gets me misty-eyed courtesy of too-much joy + great creative. Makes the major inconveniences feel minor. She's the soundtrack that plays behind everything else i do.

and this bothers me because...

1. i have a phenomenal job that i absolutely adore
2. i have an amazing family that i am blessed to have + friends that ease the ride
3. i have a hubs that absolutely adores me and is still in love with me (after almost 7 years)
4. i have loads of things i love - tangible things - an enviable closet, a drool-inducing library, more gadgets than a girl needs + all the necessities

in other words, i have a pretty cushy life.

but for some strange reason - something doesn't feel quite right. i feel like i blew a fuse.

{more internal investigations to follow}

in the meantime - i have a meeting to prep for!

yay wednesday.glad you could make it.

--
oooh...and today i get to meet sue!
*sigh*
like icing on a cupcake.

dis-con-nect-ed-

ish.

not sure why.

but here's a little something that made me go: hmmmm.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
-Gilda Radner

--
i never could resist the urge to take a peek at the ending. these days, i'm fumbling to visualize those last pages and its frustrating that i'm coming up empty.

this too shall pass my little minnow. this. too. shall. pass.

*sigh*

this morning

i have one phrase stuck between membranes...

a journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.

profound. if i can remember it, that is.

TGIF.

the ad world

is not one that is filled with all the glamor of the 60's. we don't roll into work at 10:00am to an office specifically outfitted with a deluxe premium bar and a hoard of secretaries. unfortunately, my life isn't a rerun of an episode of madmen.

instead, i woke up to the pleasantries of an early morning branding session that went into the early afternoon hours.

my belly grumbled along with my brain for having to digest so much newness at such an ungodly hour.

however, i did walk out of that meeting with one key take away ---> listening alone does not affect change. action does.

write that down folks - it is simply brilliant.

craving

familiarity.

lately, i've got nicotine on my mind.
and despite being smoke-free for 11 months (yup, quite the feat!)
the last few days have been mentally grueling
because my brain seems to be begging for - just.one.drag.

hrmph.

it's fall.

as in, the summer weather that was misplaced en route to me, is now officially being shooed out the door. yup, life is indeed - unfair.

september always smells of newness - more so than january does. summer's done. school's in. the markets pick up. life gets busy. and this year, i walked into the newness, complacently. Mind you that's only because nothing can compare itself to last year's entrance - sheathed in brave new decisions and navigating a new career path.

my mantra (the same old one) is to try to visit this spot a little more. post some more. write some more. vent some more. pen myself out of my issues - some more.

in the meantime, i was witness to a pretty gruesome marital spat in the last little while. the infuriated husband screamed: if I'm a bad husband it's because you are a bad wife.

my reaction:

a bad husband is not created by a bad wife. he is actually created by a bad mom and an unhealthy parental relationship. but nice try buddy.

yup. that's my thought for the day.and it nicely reflects the cynicism that's becoming a part of my so-called-nature.

48 hours of bliss

oops, minus 6.

this past weekend was our annual "end-of-summer" shopping trip. we (R3 + lil J) look forward to this weekend all summer long. sure, it means the end of the summer (considering the crappy weather we've had - this year, we couldn't wait to leave summer, the traitor, behind and dive into fall) but more importantly, it also means copious amounts of shopping - and trust me, nobody shops as hard or as seriously as the four of us do.

the weekend was filled with too much laughter, greasy comments, sketchy jokes, lots of chatter, some bugs (the two legged and winged variety) and of course - lots and lots of shopping bags. we put our usual excuse of requiring retail therapy out of her misery and fully embraced our manic desire to burn all our money and melt our plastic.

some choice moments:::

life partner (all 26 minutes of it); 4 half asleep women, 1 bathroom in the AM (enough said); arguments punctuated with laughter; crossing the border; "hey, your accent changes!"; the bladder calls - TGforPrime; Michael Kors *swoon* (yes, he came home with me); "he's small but needs a double xl"; 2 hrs of boy shopping; "oooh, look at the corelle dinnerware" -- "oh no, she's part of the wives club"; $3 tee's @ old navy + hot tanned cashout guy who likes a frugal girl = lil j's dream; auntie annie makes good sugary bread sticks; getting lost (again); checking in; strange stares from a wedding party as four brown people holding 30 bags try to fit into the worlds smallest elevator; walden *bliss*; "i can make you that headband - Eff Jcrew" - no thanks :); forever19 spent 120minutes at forever21; bff's random sweater-find *envy*;remembering that food is a necessity - jacks wings; someone sucks on balls; 828 to 806 - thanks mini buggies; dragging 50 retail bags across a ridiculously long hallway; cheaper by the dozen; laughter; more laughter; then someone peed; borders; $1 target milkyways; IHOP & Dominique; rain; more laughter; "excuse me, am i a car?"; i freaking heart you guys; dumb & dumber; 8 photos = 20 minutes of entertainment for people sitting by the booth; excuses & tales to cross the border; "you always pick the wrong line"; cute customs guy - zero questions; long eyelashes - longer drive; spent emotionally and physically; at the end of it all - i freaking heart you guys.

phew. as a group, we all helped out the US economy by spending some serious $$$ on the other side of the border. it was an amazing weekend and i. feel. so. blessed. I have great friends that i can laugh and get on with - knowing all the while that we'll still be together 20 years from now. Unless one of them b*@&h's disses my baby - jcrew.

--::--
and of course, i got home to find my favorite stranger - back from his journey - in one piece.

11:36pm on sunday night:::::life couldn't have been better.

a yearning

for pol sambol.

dear sri lanka,

lately, you've been on my mind. there must be something in the air because everywhere i turn, i hear a haunting whisper that tickles every cell and blossoms into a festival of goosebumps. it follows me, begging me to come back home.

but sri lanka, lets be honest here - you were never home to me. i was mostly just a squatter. there with no permanence in mind. flying in and out for hot summers by the sea.

and that's why i find your behavior astonishing. and my reaction - terrifying. i can't seem to shake this feeling. i keep searching for your likeness in things that are fundamentally so un-like you. it's apposite though.

the older i get - the more i want to sink back into your lap and my past of smocked cotton dresses, papaya's on street corners and royal bakery runs.

2011 can't come soon enough. until then, taunt somebody else.

in fact, i will even recommend a few people who could use a little reminding of exactly where they came from :)

love,
the Canadian*


*for now.

List # 3: 3 things that i can't control...

that drive the hubs and me into a funk.

1. Other people having babies. This requires an explanation. This weekend the hubs and I lived separately. We did our own thing and yet both our weekends were filled with babies. People making them. Having them. Trying for them. Pining for them. You name it - we saw it. Different circumstances - absolutely. But we both got the same underlying question asked many a time during the last 48 hours - when will it be our turn. Now, it's nobodys business but our own but having a broken diabetic-ridden baby is not our idea of a good time. So i'm figuring out my diabetes while he cools his heels. And we're fine with that. WTH, I'm not even 110% sure that I'm completely ready for a screaming bundle of joy. And yet, when i see all our friends venture down that path - it kinda puts me in a funk. Not because i'm not happy for them - but because their next step makes me feel peer pressured. OMG. That's it. I feel peer pressured to get pregnant.

Now, there's a wonderful reason to procreate.

2. Our families. Obviously a marriage is about negotiating between two very different continents completely removed from one another. There are things that our respective peeps do that drive the other bonkers. It is completely out of our control and we're bound not only by mutual respect and love to shut up and put up - but sometimes, and only sometimes, it drives us both into that grey zone.

And in those moments of sheer madness, for one nanosecond, we wish the other was an orphan, with no ties that bind.


3. Busy Schedules. Okay, so this one is a shadey number three. We always attempt to clear some time for each other and it works on the stuff that we can control. But sometimes, it's not us. I swear. It's the rest of the world. We find ourselves completely bogged down with event, after event, after event. And sure, we could say "no" and politely decline or just pretend we never got the invite - but most of these events spring from people that are close to us where the guilt of saying no - would be more haunting than the act of just playing along. And so we do. But of course, the lack of alone time slowly eats away at the seams of our relationship until a lonesome thread unravels and someone loses an eye.

This weekend was a combination of all three things. Thankfully none of them blew up to the point of no return. But i wonder...how strong is our bond...how much can it take..and we haven't even reached our year 2 milestone.

List Two: Five Flaws

Easter was nice. Busy but nice. I did something that I am highly unaccustomed to doing: giving away my stuff. AKA - a wardrobe purge. Mikey forced me into it - and considering that i had 6/7 things per hanger squished into my slidey closet - it made total sense. More so because I spend a fair bit on my clothes - and as much as I hate to admit it - your clothes do need some breathing room. So 3 garbage bags later - my closet feels lighter and strangely my life more organized. Who knew my clothes had so much to do with everything in my life!

--

Flaw one: i am all or nothing - all the time about everything.

Flaw two: i expect too much from people - from simple things like etiquette to bigger and more illustrious things.

Flaw three: i am loyal to a fault when we're talking about people i love.

Flaw four: i start things on a whim but rarely see them through.

Flaw five: i am allergic to the idea of saving.

Flaw six: i have zero will power about a lot of things.

Flaw seven: i rarely follow instructions.

--

hmmm...i could go on i think. but in the hopes of saving my self-esteem from a beat down - i think i'd like to stop now.

My Guilty Pleasure: List 1

A girlfriend at work recently bought a great designy book called Listography: Your Life in Lists. And it’s a gorgeous book for sure – the design is impeccable, the thoughtful renderings, the artistic feel – it’s all papier perfection. Flipping through it, I realized that it’s great fodder for those days when you feel like writing but you have nothing of any consequence to put out there.

So here we go – my first list.

My guilty pleasures (in no particular order):

1. Books: I know, I know. I can borrow them, devour them and return them. But there’s something so gratifying about owning great blocks of moving words…*sigh*

2. Shift dresses : I love a vibrant sheath of tangerine silk. Fuschia? Bring her on! The brighter the better and I will rock it all through the winter. Although recently – grey is my new neutral black.

3. Coffee: Despite the economic situation – I can always rationalize a great cup of coffee despite its price tag.

4. Fresh cut papaya/pineapple: a winter splurge that my belly loves and a summer staple I look forward to.

5. ‘Spend the days’ at home with the fam: it rejuvenates my spirit, refreshes my mind and readies me for the week ahead. Sure I feel bad that I leave my hubs for a whole day every weekend but hey, personal space can be a strengthening element in a marriage.

6. White summery linen: anything.

7. 700 Thread Count Sheets: swoon.

8. Long chats with bestie: a necessity

9. South Asian Literature: I’m not biased. I just have a favorite that my mind gravitates towards.

10. Shopping. I know I shouldn’t, especially now. But I love it.

this morning

there's one thing eating me that i haven't eaten - just yet.

i am consumed by this insanely ravenous hunger. And you guessed it ladies - it's probably THAT time of the month (or at least I hope so). And i can only tell because if someone unleashed me, i would probably eat the roof over my head.

just another reason being a woman isn't all fun and games.

i must go now, the roof calls.

i. am. an. addict.

to all sorts of things.

and these days, it has become far more apparent than it ever was.

I mean, i always knew I had that "all or nothing" personality happening and I knew that liking something consistently (in my case for more than 2 days) meant it quickly became a habit. You won't believe how many times I've squealed "i can't live without !!!!"

And yet, today, I'm surprised by this observation.

Here are three things I've become extremely addicted to in the last 6 weeks:

* trolling the jcrew website - i am hurtin' for one of everything. prayin', wishin' and hopin' beyond belief that this recessionary crap subsides so i can purchase away to my hearts content, minus the doom of the exchange rate. unfortunately, the hubs has made it very clear that he refuses to oblige my jcrew addiction when it comes to paying that venomous cross-border shipping charge. can someone start working on that please?!?!

* shopping in general for all sorts of things. the rest of the world is focused on holding on to what they've got. My silly brain on the other hand sees this as the perfect opportunity to find everything i need - in the colour i want, in MY size. See how i rationalized that? I do this everyday. Everyday, i have the urge to spend.

(i should think about adopting a 30 day no-shopping cleanse. oh who am i kidding! i'd rather starve than not shop - which also brings me to addiction #3)

* i'm obsessed with the weight that i've gained. for those of you who know me, you know i started the whole insulin treatment thang. well it's great for my future babies since they won't have to suffocate in an overly-sweet belly environment - but not so great for my carefully designed wardrobe. The pay-off of healthy babies doesn't seem to be enough to rationalize this one, right now at least. I've gained 14lbs over the last 4 months. What The HELL is up with that?!!?!? So my new obsession - working out in the mornings - healthy you say? Nah, only because like the shopping, food/coffee and literature addictions - it consumes every waking moment. And it's now a disease.

i.need.help.

hence the hiatus.

I've been feeling out of sorts as of late. Discombobulated by life, if you will. Caught up in a whirlwind of things - emotions, events, evolution. I feel burdened and yet strangely irresponsibly free.

And amidst all that, i stopped blogging. All it took was 2 days and i was hooked on the action of not coming back.

and we're back full circle.

let's see if i remember this spot tomorrow.

Random bits of coupledom.

I know. I suck. Instead of a real post I keep regurgitating these totally random survey type lists. There's a lot I want to say but very little time to really let it fly on paper (or blog). Soon though. i promise.

in the meantime - bits of us, together.

♥ What are your middle names?
I heart Mikey's - it's Lawrence, after his grandfather. Mine - not so much - it's Radha.

♥ How long have you been together?
On April 11th 2009 we'll turn 6.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met on April 4th and he asked me out on April 11th. We saw each other 5 times between those two dates - he met my folks and my BFF before the 11th as well! When you know, you just know.

♥ Who asked who out?
Mikey asked me out - my version.
Jana asked me to ask her out - his version.
i say - potato, potahtoe!

♥ How old are each of you?
We were both '77 babies - he screamed his way into the world in september and i kicked my way out in october.

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most?
Mine.Come on now, anyone that knows me knows I'm umbilically connected to my FAM.

♥ Do you have any children together?
Nope. But we're definitely talking about starting a project later this year.

♥ What about pets?
2 kitlets. Tigi, who really is more like a dog than a cat. And Zigi - the biatch.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The same 2 issues that we identified in our pre-marital classes: Balancing time with our families while creating our own family and chatting about money.

♥ Did you go to the same school?
Nope. Never. We were continents apart.

♥Are you from the same home town?
Not really. We spent the last 12 years in the GTA, which is how we met etc - but even then on opposite ends of the city.

♥ Who is the smartest?
Me - book smart, trend smart. Him - just. plain.old.smart.

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
Him. Hands down.

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
In the last couple of weeks, Saravana Bhavan has been our spot.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together?
Dubai.

♥ Who has the craziest exes?
Me. Definitely.

♥ Who has the worst temper?
I have the quickest flaring temper. But mine fizzles out after a few short intense sparks. His is the exact opposite. It takes a lot of provocation on my part to ignite it - but once it happens, watch out world - it's time for some serious fireworks.

♥ Who does the cooking?
We have our days. Literally. We've split the week so we both get a chance to call upon our inner chef.

♥ Who is the neat Freak?
I'm OCD about cleaning but i'm the queen of clutter. He likes things clean but isn't always motivated to clean things. There lies are most frequent arguments.

♥ Who is the more stubborn?
We seem to take turns with this one.

♥ Who hogs the bed?
Him. Definitely. He has this strange ability to wrap himself around me while sprawling out. He hogs. I drool. Whatever.

♥ Who wakes up earlier?
Me. Always. Especially on the weekends. And then, I must wake him up as well. I can't bear to be the only one awake. So now, I'm looking into early morning weekend yoga classes.

♥ Where was your first date?
Reel world Film Festival - watched Flavors.

♥ Who has the bigger family?
Me. I have 2 sisters. And close to 30 first cousins who are all local. So I win that one, hands down.

♥ Do you get/give flowers often?
I'm not into flowers so I don't get any. I know, heartless.

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
driving mostly. we try to split fam time in the middle. it sure is hard being loved.

♥ Who is more jealous?
Neither. We don't do jealousy. It just gets in the way of a good time. Although sometimes I am envious that he can eat all the sugary candy he wants.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
4 months.

♥ Who eats more?
Mikey.

♥ Who does/ did the laundry?
I do. Although he gets most of his work clothes dry cleaned.

♥ Who’s better with the computer?
He is. But I'm on it more - i think.

♥ Who drives when you are together?
Him.

♥ Who has more tattoos?
Me.

♥ Who is more social?
Me.

♥ If you are married/engaged, where did he/she propose?
Mt. Tremblant - Dec 9th 2004.

25 bits of randomness

in lieu of a real post.

everyone's doing it, so i did too.
and yes, if everyone jumped, i'd be right there behind them ;)

--::--

1.To some H20 is a necessity. I concur. Only because you need it to make my MUSTHAVE beverage of choice – coffee. I have been known to sometimes guzzle 5 venti’s a day. A dash of milk and no sugar, thanks!

2.I have a serious clutch/bag addiction but only so far as owning them. I feel an unmistakable desire to complete the purchase and then it sits in a big plastic bin with 50 others waiting for its turn to be trotted out. I think I’ve got about 25 with the tags still on.

3.My biggest weakness is my inherent fear of failure. It also happens to be one of my biggest strengths.

4. I have a shelf full of gorgeous notebooks, each with a few neatly populated pages. None of them have been used more than a handful of times. It’s a sickness I tell you.

5. I heart tropical everything. My life would be perfect if I could transport all the parts of it to a hotter climate. My secret dream is to move to Sri Lanka / Dubai / Malaysia and bask in sunshine all day.

6.I always need to sleep with my toes covered, regardless of how humid it is. I have an irrational fear that exposing my toes would be an open invitation for some type of insect, to suck the life blood out of me. Growing up in the tropics can do this to you.

7.Breakfast is my favorite mealtime - hands down. I could eat Buttermilk Pancakes, Waffles or Bombay Toast all day & never get bored.

8.I used to be a copywriter that hated being told what to write. Oh, and detested writing short copy. That probably explains why I’m on the accounts side now.

9.I laugh when I’m nervous. I thought it was a good thing. Pissed-off clients think otherwise. So I'm working on learning to stifle the urge.

10.I can’t stand wine – red, white or iced. Hard Liquor on the other hand – I’m A-OK with that! It sure doesn’t make for romantic candle lit meals though!

11.I love cake. When I went to Sri Lanka, they had to restrain me from spending my entire vacation at Royal Bakery. They’ve got the best chocolate cake hands down. Green Cabin would be second.

12.I must wear a watch at all times. And I always have a favorite. When said favorite dies, i go through an emotional process before picking the next one.

13.Once I get into a routine, it becomes the “only” way to get something done. Ex: Cleaning. I got up at 7am on a Sunday last year and cleaned the entire place in an hour. Now I firmly believe that a 7:00am cleaning session is the only way to start a Sunday.

14.I hate talking about money but enjoy spending it ☺ My BFF and I share this trait, amongst others.

15.I can bite my toe nails. Not that I do. Anymore at least.

16.I love looking at people’s photos (new or old) and albums. In fact, I’ve been known to look at the same albums multiple times on multiple visits. Yet I enjoy every time, like it was the first.

17.I come from a family of poseurs. When a camera comes out, watch out world, we all think we’re the next Lakshmi Menon.

18.I used to be a theatrical kid and put my skills to good use while I was in junior school. One year, I played Good King Wenceslas in a Christmas play. I think they picked me because I was the jolliest (re: chunkiest) 10-year old they could find. I won an award for being a chubs.

19.My mom used to dress all three of us girls alike (fave outfit: these tee's with our faces on it). It looked fine on Rama and Rashi since they were only a year apart and looked incredibly similar. Me on the other hand, I always looked like a giant with these faces swimming in my belly.
(Strangely, these days, Rama and I get confused for one another all the time.)

20.I am a sucker for a good madras kappi (Bru rocks). I think that’s what sealed the deal with Mikey - date #4. We were at Madras Dosa Hut and he expertly mixed my coffee madras 'tumbler-to-dish’ style and had me hooked.

21.I must speak to my family at least once a day. Even when I travel overseas, much to the chagrin of my husband.

22.I am accident prone to the nth degree. I spontaneously trip over my own feet, walk into things, drop things on my extremities - it's like i have to meet a minimum # of band aids used everyday, sorta rule.

23.I used to read the dictionary for fun. On weekends especially. Sometimes, I still do. The thesaurus was for really special occasions only. Like Birthdays.

24.I love trying different types of food and it’s so easy to do that in a city, like Toronto, that thrives on its multicultural DNA. Thai food would have to be my favorite type of cuisine.

25.I love libraries but have a love-hate relationship with library books. I hate people who feel the need to leave bits of their lunch between the pages. Or even worse, the margin-writers! Hence I buy most of the books I want to read.

--::--
surprisingly, i wrote this in 30mins at work. and i had to scale the list back.

i am obviously far more random than i gave myself credit for.


yup, only monday.

one word.

is all it takes.

another random survey.
only rule: the answer has to be just one word.
(inspired by shirls)

here we go:

1. Where is your cell phone? clutch
2. Your significant other? restless
3. Your hair? overgrown
4. Your mother? lovely
5. Your father? cuddly
6. Your favorite food? Thai
7. Your dream last night? uneventful
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? passion
10. What room you are in? hall
11. Your hobby? shopping
12. Your fear? failure
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? laughing
14. Where were you last night? Movies
15. Something that you aren't? Consistent
16. Muffins? Cake
17. Wish list item? Fiji
18. Where you grew up? Canada
19. Last thing you did? groceries
20. What are you wearing? lululemon
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? kitties
23. Friends? Family
24. Your life? Family
25. Your mood? content
26. Missing someone? nobody
27. Car? Honda
28. Something you're not wearing? Ring
29. Your favorite store? JCrew
30. Your favorite color? orange
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? January
35. Who will resend this? nobody
36. One place that I go to over and over? home.

Independence Day

05°56'N 79°58'E

That’s where I was born. And yesterday, amidst cluster bombs, hostile take-overs and countless lives lost, the island turned 61. The political lips paid service to their achievements blanketed by false bravado while in the north, another bomb wiped out a lone standing hospital. With patients who had no doubt traveled to find medicinal relief from their pain and suffering. Big surprise: came for a Tylenol. Went. Back. Dead.

Happy Birthday Sri Lanka!

Sixty-one years of independence. The celebrations of a much sought after freedom from a country that left its imprint by significantly scarring the identity of the island. Unmistakably. They came together then. It was probably the last time the Tamil folk saw eye to eye with the Sinhalese majority. Like displaced children, the island now hobbles along. Survival, being its only goal.



And cloistered in the warm glow of those sixty-one years is the hidden pearl of Ravana. A fifty-year old civil war. One that has effectively eradicated the idea of Sri Lanka being the Isle of Serendipity. The only hidden jewel on the island these days – is the rampant unpredictability that is a mainstay. There’s so much beauty there but once the government is through with their grenade-play, who knows what will be left for the outside world to see.

My history will always remain inaccessible, just like that. A past learnt through stories told and lives lost. Make shift graveyards, mass funerals, ration cards, no lights, and no hope that the situation will be resolved– that’s what tinges every memory I’ve ever been privy to hearing. Their tear ducts have cried themselves dry. The well of their emotions, dry after each pail drew more out. Some things just don’t replenish themselves. To me, there is no freedom in that context. No freedom of speech, thought or action when even your memories are molested, raped and pillaged by faceless ghosts of a past you will never understand. Let alone accept.

It’s alarming that nobody I know remembers it the way I do. In the folly of my youth, I must have collected those droplets of Ceylon perfection and stored them like tamarind seeds in air-tight tins, stashed away to be found by a displaced and slightly jaded North American.

To me, the island is like a beautiful painting that once thought it could. And THAT makes me just a tad sadder than I already am.

--
I lied. The only other person who remembers things the way I do is probably my BFF.

It’s just one of the many many things we share. That’s why I love her the best. Because she has the same memories as me – and when you have a childhood that involved packing up and moving around a lot – you really appreciate the one or two consistencies in your life. For me, it was her. Regardless of the boarding school, I always knew that BFF was a couple of buildings down glad that we were in this together.

It’s the one thing that got us through a lot of different things. And yet these days, connecting with BFF has been harder than it ever has been.

You see, my BFF is getting married. She is getting married to someone who is incredibly interested and involved in the wedding planning and process. Good for them! I mean, how often do you see a groom that’s interested in EVERYTHING? (Including the bride’s makeup choices!* I can be so catty when threatened.). But, here’s the larger question – where does that leave me? I had an unsettling conversation with BFF last night that left us both sad, broken hearted and weeping ourselves to sleep.

The general impression she has is that as her BFF I should be more involved and know more about the details of their wedding. Agreed. She pretty much ran the entire year and a half before my big day. But, I didn’t have a groom that wanted to be involved in the big things, let alone the details. The other thing is that my BFF isn’t the most “bridey” of all brides. I mean, at least I was okay with talking about the wedding – she usually turns grumpy and sour when the wedding is brought up. She’s just not that into the planning phase of things. Strange –because she was all over it for mine. I mean, it was more like her wedding than my own. And I was grateful because I wasn’t really into the details either. But with BFF, nobody brings up the wedding because we don’t want to upset her.

And last night, I realized that it upset her that we weren’t trying to push our way in and get involved.

So where do I fit into this equation? What am I Supposed To Do?

I have a BFF that I absolutely adore. A soon-to-be Brother In Law that wants to keep the planning process under wraps – involving just himself, BFF and my dad on select occasions. And then there’s BFF herself – she’s definitely the Gayle to my Oprah – and yet last night, I felt like we had both let each other down in a fundamental way. She thinks I don’t care about her and her impending nuptials. (Which is enough to make me livid – because how.can.you.not.notice.how.much.i.care?!?!) And because I care so much, I try not to upset her fiancée by being myself (the bully that tells people how things should be done). Instead, I tip toe around wishing I could be more involved and return to those days of late night conversations about silly things like napkin colours, overlays and the song our parents will walk in to!

I would love to be all up in this – looking at options, making decisions, bustin’ serious vendor balls– I thrive on this type of thing. But one of the most important things in my life is my relationship with BFF and I don’t want to say or do anything to jeopardize that in the long run. And so I’ve kept myself out of the loop and I’ve been extremely un-involved. To the point where it makes me sad and is probably collecting particles to become the big ball of resentment. Dysfunctional much? Probably. But heck, at least I can self-diagnose it!

Argh. I am so frustrated. Sad. And taking it all out on my poor hubs. His only mistake was to marry my overly-emotional, manic depressive behind. Oh yes, and he married my family. A typical 5 for the price of 1 Sri Lankan Deal!



Don’t get me wrong, I heart coming from an estrogen driven family. Usually. But, these are the types of misunderstandings that get in the way of our standing order of laughter and good times. And just this once, I’d like to be able to say: …next! And move the ‘eff on. But a little birdy tells me there’s probably a lot more of this to come before July 11th 2009.