- stressed and ready to yank every strand of hair on my head - right after i chew my fingers to nubs. its incredible how the tide moves you when it comes to the ebb and flow of our workloads in the ad biz. christmas is two point five weeks away - and we've got massive waves of work moving through our studio.
- feeling ridiculously low on christmas spirit this year. the tree went up at home - a gorgeous piece of well-designed pink/purple and green magic - and i felt, nothing. the neighbors turned on all 300,000 award-winning lights on their front lawn, blinding the better part of the durham region -- yet, the holiday spirit is still hiding from me. Usually i'm THAT annoying person when it comes to christmas time gift buying - i make lists, i check them twice, buy more than i planned, wrap copious amounts of things - and this time - nothing. I am so border-line Scrooge-like - not with the cheapness but with the attitude, it's alarming. 'Bah Humbug' - maybe i need a double shot of scotch?
- still recovering from some strain of the swine flu. thanks to my shoddy immune system, i'm left with a nasty cough that rears its phlemy head at the most awkward (re:inappropriate) moments in life.
- ready for a break (from myself and my thoughts)
- not ready for winter and its icy caress.
- unhappy that i have to wear socks now. that is the cherry on top of my disappointment pie.
- thrilled that i'm going to be an aunty. for. the. first. time. inthis-especiallyspecial-way. Actually scratch aunty, i'm going to be a periamma. And I can't tell you how many times I've rolled my eyes when I've heard that before - but now, with this little bean, I'm ready to be called Periamma in public. THAT's lowe.
- considering buying a pair of UGGS but completely unsure if its age appropriate.
- distressed that i'm thinking in terms of "age appropriate" attire. wtf. now, i feel old.
- battling a constant surge of tiredness + lethargy.
- hiding from the gym. i. must. return.
- craving some okra. except i don't even know how to buy them, let alone cook them up.
- freezing cold on the inside.
- not looking forward to a week filled with holiday 'work' parties. they come disguised as 'fun times' when in reality its just a meeting in a black dress + heels
- dying for something great to read. any recommends would be greatly appreciated.
- going to punch someone if they ask me (again) when it will be my turn to have a baby.
- seriously considering committing to this baby making process. but first, getting healthy needs to happen. according to my voice of reason - its mind over matter.
- trying to bribe someone to watch precious with me. my good friend Oprah told me I should. Apparently the rest of the world didn't get that memo.
- wishing i had a yoga buddy who lived in the area. it sucks being away from my family.
- realizing that i'm getting older and perhaps it's time to refocus on myself. i hate mature realizations. cue gagging sfx here.
- most importantly, craving something, anything with bacon on it.
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
this year
has flown by. And between all the events that have consumed my mind -
today, i realized something - i forgot to move forward in my own life.
not a complaint. not a regret.
just an observation.
perhaps, 2010 will be the year of jana.
because in 2009, she got shuffled and a bit misplaced.
*sigh*
today, i realized something - i forgot to move forward in my own life.
not a complaint. not a regret.
just an observation.
perhaps, 2010 will be the year of jana.
because in 2009, she got shuffled and a bit misplaced.
*sigh*
Monday, November 23, 2009
being sick
sucks. especially when you've been bed ridden for over 6 days - including a weekend where one fantabulous wedding + 3 dinner parties had to be missed. and you don't get to see your fam in over 6 days. and you know that you will return to work at some point this week, perfectly accessorized with an ugly hacking cough.
fml.
so what makes this feeling better?
one amma.
who drove 57 kms.
with 5 tupperware dishes.
lovingly cocooning - home cooked goodness.
sure, she couldn't stay - but eating her food
and feeling that rasam race down my throat
i felt like all will be okay in my world.
soon.
---
THIS makes me feel unbelievably loved.
fml.
so what makes this feeling better?
one amma.
who drove 57 kms.
with 5 tupperware dishes.
lovingly cocooning - home cooked goodness.
sure, she couldn't stay - but eating her food
and feeling that rasam race down my throat
i felt like all will be okay in my world.
soon.
---
THIS makes me feel unbelievably loved.
Monday, November 02, 2009
thirty. two.
part deux.
this year, i'm going to give myself 3 'little' things to focus on.
1. Getting healthy.
2. Moving forward.
3. Laughing. Lots.
more on all three to follow, although i do think they are quite self explanatory. i think i will have to break them down into SMART goals though - just so i set some very clear expectations for myself.
--
it's already november! wtf! this year has whizzed by. and the first day back at work after 10 days off - is painful, regardless of how much you adore your job.
this year, i'm going to give myself 3 'little' things to focus on.
1. Getting healthy.
2. Moving forward.
3. Laughing. Lots.
more on all three to follow, although i do think they are quite self explanatory. i think i will have to break them down into SMART goals though - just so i set some very clear expectations for myself.
--
it's already november! wtf! this year has whizzed by. and the first day back at work after 10 days off - is painful, regardless of how much you adore your job.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
thirty two.
i can't believe i'm so old.
here are thirty two things i'd like to remember when i look back on this blog - as i'm sure i will, since i'm slowly starting to lose my mind. This is of course a random list.
--
1. Love is hard work. Whoever told me that love is easy and uncomplicated needs to stop lying. Really, stop lying, right now. In my world, any relationship with real love, the weighty kind, involves tons of work – as it should. That’s why the older I got, the smaller my inner circle became. And that invisible line between the ‘people I know’ and the ‘people I love’ became more obvious than it was before.
2. Sisters are the world’s best invention. First they were my playmates. Then my arch rivals. Then the *itches that stole my shit. Then my partners in crime. My shoulders to lean on. My security blankets. My besties. And still, the only people that can paint a smile on my face, when I’m at my coldest.
3. It is always darkest before the dawn. So, hold on even when you feel like the day might never break.
4. Those after-school specials are right – dreams can come true. The only caveat – you have to make them come true. Yup, there’s that thing called ‘work’ again.
5. What goes around – always comes right back around. I remind myself of that every time, the evilminime, wants a moment to shine.
6. Family is a state of mind. So never let the world tell you that blood is thicker than water. (although on rare occasions it can be)
7. Marriage is easy. Love is hard work. Being in love and being married is a rough combination. At the best of times it’s like walking a tight rope. It’s hard to remember the sparkle and shine when you are caught up in the drag of everyday life. My reminder: that swoon-inducing, melt-worthy smile. And of course it helps when you marry someone that perfectly integrates themselves into your perspective and continues to sprinkle all sorts of goodness into your life on a daily basis. I am so lucky to have found him. (okay, i just mini barfed - moving on)
8. You can and should do what you love. Life is too short to be stuck in a career that you can’t stand.
9. Time flies. All those days when I used to complain about how every minute felt like a lifetime – yea, those days are gone. Time is on fast forward now. Serves. Me. Right.
10. Friends are always more important than money.
11. Standards are a good thing. Knowing what you want helps you navigate through a world of a trillion mediocre offers.
12. Always use your internal moral compass to gauge your life. What the aunties will think and say, should never determine your actions. It took me a long time to learn that.
13. Being brown is just like being a girl. It’s a constant uphill battle of trying to figure out how things work and where things fit. So don’t overthink it – just embrace it. On some days, I still watch the clash of expectations from the sidelines: c’est la vie.
14. H20 rocks.
15. It’s okay to spend on life’s frills, especially if it helps you have a better day.
16. Invest in yourself. And not just financially.
17. I’ve learned that I have to put myself on the ‘to do’ list. And of course, I must remember to be kind to myself.
18. My parents are amazing people. The older I get, the more I realize that as I experience them in different capacities.
19. Books used to be my entertainment – now they are my escape.
20. Words are the next best thing to my family in this life.
21. See the world when you can. Grab every opportunity. Because sometimes putting things off for tomorrow is akin to taking it off the list.
22. Create a bucket list. Or a five-year list. I re-look at mine every year to re-evaluate things. I learned this from the goal-oriented & accomplishment-driven hubs.
23. Be thankful for everything you have. Including the half assed pinky toe your dad gave you. I am.
24. Don’t ever get peer pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready to do. Wearing neon yellow tights and making babies should only happen when and if you are ready for them.
25. Your past will always leak into your present – and hence your future. So come to terms with it – because it NEVER goes away.
26. Learning how to “time out” yourself is HUGE. Especially with my quick to flare temper.
27. Laughter is a pretty good medicine. However, a good cry is sometimes the BEST medicine. So go ahead, have a good weep. It’s good for your skin too!
28. Love yourself. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget that.
29. Being a female is a wonderful journey. Sure you get your period. Sure you have glass ceilings to deal with. Sure you have to deal with loads of suffocating expectations – but at the end of the day – being a woman can be a lovely experience. All you have to do is be yourself.
30. I heart my mom now more than I ever have before. I understand her on a much deeper level, ever since I became a wife. And I’m certain that all of it will change and grow if and when I become someone’s mother. She is strong, courageous and has an incredibly resilient spirit. I hope I grow up to be her one day.
31. Life. Is. Precious. And is oftentimes found in the small moments tucked away behind and in-between milestones. Celebrate those. Actually, celebrate something every day – being alive should be a beautiful thing. I’m still learning this.
32. Believe in something – a higher power, in living a life filled with hope, in being open to the energy of the world, in being a good person, in finding your purpose in life. Whatever it may be, make sure – You. Believe. In. Something.
--
the biggest lesson i've learned so far is this: take a chance. i don't think i'd have most of the things i do right now if i hadn't jumped out of my comfort zone and tried something that scared the living daylights out of me. Case in point, getting married, switching careers and so many little things in between.
ohkay - time to go start my big ole birthday. the next post will be about the three things i hope to accomplish this year. small goals people - small goals. old people can only handle little morsels of change. or so i've been told.
here are thirty two things i'd like to remember when i look back on this blog - as i'm sure i will, since i'm slowly starting to lose my mind. This is of course a random list.
--
1. Love is hard work. Whoever told me that love is easy and uncomplicated needs to stop lying. Really, stop lying, right now. In my world, any relationship with real love, the weighty kind, involves tons of work – as it should. That’s why the older I got, the smaller my inner circle became. And that invisible line between the ‘people I know’ and the ‘people I love’ became more obvious than it was before.
2. Sisters are the world’s best invention. First they were my playmates. Then my arch rivals. Then the *itches that stole my shit. Then my partners in crime. My shoulders to lean on. My security blankets. My besties. And still, the only people that can paint a smile on my face, when I’m at my coldest.
3. It is always darkest before the dawn. So, hold on even when you feel like the day might never break.
4. Those after-school specials are right – dreams can come true. The only caveat – you have to make them come true. Yup, there’s that thing called ‘work’ again.
5. What goes around – always comes right back around. I remind myself of that every time, the evilminime, wants a moment to shine.
6. Family is a state of mind. So never let the world tell you that blood is thicker than water. (although on rare occasions it can be)
7. Marriage is easy. Love is hard work. Being in love and being married is a rough combination. At the best of times it’s like walking a tight rope. It’s hard to remember the sparkle and shine when you are caught up in the drag of everyday life. My reminder: that swoon-inducing, melt-worthy smile. And of course it helps when you marry someone that perfectly integrates themselves into your perspective and continues to sprinkle all sorts of goodness into your life on a daily basis. I am so lucky to have found him. (okay, i just mini barfed - moving on)
8. You can and should do what you love. Life is too short to be stuck in a career that you can’t stand.
9. Time flies. All those days when I used to complain about how every minute felt like a lifetime – yea, those days are gone. Time is on fast forward now. Serves. Me. Right.
10. Friends are always more important than money.
11. Standards are a good thing. Knowing what you want helps you navigate through a world of a trillion mediocre offers.
12. Always use your internal moral compass to gauge your life. What the aunties will think and say, should never determine your actions. It took me a long time to learn that.
13. Being brown is just like being a girl. It’s a constant uphill battle of trying to figure out how things work and where things fit. So don’t overthink it – just embrace it. On some days, I still watch the clash of expectations from the sidelines: c’est la vie.
14. H20 rocks.
15. It’s okay to spend on life’s frills, especially if it helps you have a better day.
16. Invest in yourself. And not just financially.
17. I’ve learned that I have to put myself on the ‘to do’ list. And of course, I must remember to be kind to myself.
18. My parents are amazing people. The older I get, the more I realize that as I experience them in different capacities.
19. Books used to be my entertainment – now they are my escape.
20. Words are the next best thing to my family in this life.
21. See the world when you can. Grab every opportunity. Because sometimes putting things off for tomorrow is akin to taking it off the list.
22. Create a bucket list. Or a five-year list. I re-look at mine every year to re-evaluate things. I learned this from the goal-oriented & accomplishment-driven hubs.
23. Be thankful for everything you have. Including the half assed pinky toe your dad gave you. I am.
24. Don’t ever get peer pressured into doing something that you aren’t ready to do. Wearing neon yellow tights and making babies should only happen when and if you are ready for them.
25. Your past will always leak into your present – and hence your future. So come to terms with it – because it NEVER goes away.
26. Learning how to “time out” yourself is HUGE. Especially with my quick to flare temper.
27. Laughter is a pretty good medicine. However, a good cry is sometimes the BEST medicine. So go ahead, have a good weep. It’s good for your skin too!
28. Love yourself. It’s amazing how easy it is to forget that.
29. Being a female is a wonderful journey. Sure you get your period. Sure you have glass ceilings to deal with. Sure you have to deal with loads of suffocating expectations – but at the end of the day – being a woman can be a lovely experience. All you have to do is be yourself.
30. I heart my mom now more than I ever have before. I understand her on a much deeper level, ever since I became a wife. And I’m certain that all of it will change and grow if and when I become someone’s mother. She is strong, courageous and has an incredibly resilient spirit. I hope I grow up to be her one day.
31. Life. Is. Precious. And is oftentimes found in the small moments tucked away behind and in-between milestones. Celebrate those. Actually, celebrate something every day – being alive should be a beautiful thing. I’m still learning this.
32. Believe in something – a higher power, in living a life filled with hope, in being open to the energy of the world, in being a good person, in finding your purpose in life. Whatever it may be, make sure – You. Believe. In. Something.
--
the biggest lesson i've learned so far is this: take a chance. i don't think i'd have most of the things i do right now if i hadn't jumped out of my comfort zone and tried something that scared the living daylights out of me. Case in point, getting married, switching careers and so many little things in between.
ohkay - time to go start my big ole birthday. the next post will be about the three things i hope to accomplish this year. small goals people - small goals. old people can only handle little morsels of change. or so i've been told.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
midway
and still going strong.
the last 14 days have been a test of will power. Some people are put through the wringer on Survivor - my amazonian test is the mall. Mannequins, store signs, displays, racks - it's all a trap. And i'm speedy like a super mario or two, whizzing past them.
In all honesty, the last two weeks have been brutal. I've had 4 dinner get-togethers, a bridal shower and a birthday soiree to attend. This involved multiple trips to the malls to procure things for other people. I'm a firm believe in always taking a token of appreciation for the generous host - so the last 14 days have seen me traipsing through the mall on many an occasion. Anyone who has watched the Shopaholic - knows EXACTLY what I'm going through.
I don't know if this month was a bad one to pick to try said experiment on myself. After all, it's a birthday-heavy month and is also one that is usually filled with lots of events - thanksgiving, diwali....that's a lot of time spent visiting! I've discovered that so far it hasn't felt as brutal as I thought it would. After all, I did get to buy loads of things - even if it was for other people - it still fulfilled the urge to shop.
I think i should do this in the new year. Maybe in january? November is impossible - after all christmas is right around the corner. And December - well holiday parties always deserve a new outfit or two or ten.
I am however slightly impressed with myself. Sure i've been drooling all over my keyboard wishing i could take that virtual wishlist and make them welcome additions to the wardrobe - but all in all, i haven't bought myself a single solitary thing.
It's a lot like how I deal with hot men these days. Lookie lookie? Absolutely. Touchie Touchie? Hellll no - cuz my broken inside will then wish I could take it home.
I think I've realized that maybe I do have a little bit of self control after all.
:)
work on the other hand has been INSANE. retail accounts keep our creative guys grumpy and the account folk jumping through fire breathing hoops. at the end of day, sure they aren't fun (on a daily basis) but they certainly keep us all running in circles.
bleh.
the last 14 days have been a test of will power. Some people are put through the wringer on Survivor - my amazonian test is the mall. Mannequins, store signs, displays, racks - it's all a trap. And i'm speedy like a super mario or two, whizzing past them.
In all honesty, the last two weeks have been brutal. I've had 4 dinner get-togethers, a bridal shower and a birthday soiree to attend. This involved multiple trips to the malls to procure things for other people. I'm a firm believe in always taking a token of appreciation for the generous host - so the last 14 days have seen me traipsing through the mall on many an occasion. Anyone who has watched the Shopaholic - knows EXACTLY what I'm going through.
I don't know if this month was a bad one to pick to try said experiment on myself. After all, it's a birthday-heavy month and is also one that is usually filled with lots of events - thanksgiving, diwali....that's a lot of time spent visiting! I've discovered that so far it hasn't felt as brutal as I thought it would. After all, I did get to buy loads of things - even if it was for other people - it still fulfilled the urge to shop.
I think i should do this in the new year. Maybe in january? November is impossible - after all christmas is right around the corner. And December - well holiday parties always deserve a new outfit or two or ten.
I am however slightly impressed with myself. Sure i've been drooling all over my keyboard wishing i could take that virtual wishlist and make them welcome additions to the wardrobe - but all in all, i haven't bought myself a single solitary thing.
It's a lot like how I deal with hot men these days. Lookie lookie? Absolutely. Touchie Touchie? Hellll no - cuz my broken inside will then wish I could take it home.
I think I've realized that maybe I do have a little bit of self control after all.
:)
work on the other hand has been INSANE. retail accounts keep our creative guys grumpy and the account folk jumping through fire breathing hoops. at the end of day, sure they aren't fun (on a daily basis) but they certainly keep us all running in circles.
bleh.
Friday, October 02, 2009
zilch
zip. zero.
that's how much i plan on spending this month on the frills that oftentimes clutter but cocoon my life. Yup, you heard me right. I'm going to implement a shopping ban for the month of October. Talk about idealistic aspirations eh? I can't make it past a block without my money practically fighting its way out of my wallet and into a retail bag of some sort. I am THAT kid that can justify and rationalize any purchase - i just love the thrill of the hunt and the pleasure of the find.
In fact, on a recent 'sightseeing' trip to NYC with 30 of my closest family members - I spent the equivalent of 2 mortgage payments on some of my favorite friends - you might know them - jcrew, coach, michae kors, guess, nine west. Yup. I got so much stuff that I could have actually bought myself a ticket to Italy for a holiday instead. And this was the damage spread over less than 5 hours of shopping - without any MAJOR purchases. Now, THAT is ridiculous even for a retail-a-holic like myself. So this month, my birthday month, i've decided to shop my own closet.
I recently realized that i still have a good 30% of my wardrobe with tags on it. And reading the Economist yesterday - a wave of guilt washed over me because i am part of the generation that just has too much. it was definitely a familiar feeling. i mean, its the souvenir that keeps giving for a few months after any trip i take to india or sri lanka. i realize just how little some people have and i leave guilt ridden for all the wasteful clutter that i amass in my life. i mean i bought a beret at jcrew for $45.00 and thought it was a great deal - that's close to 5000rupees in SL. WTF. And knowing me - i will wear it twice and then lose interest in it. So this month, i am going to hope that i can find the will power i desperately need to learn a crucial lesson in my life.
so i will not be purchasing any clothing items in the month of october. or shoes. (sigh) or books. (faint) or accessories for myself or the house. or knick knacks of any sort. I will give myself $100 for the month (gulp) to cover lunches (this is a challenge because the avg lunch in my area is like $25) and that's all. (choke + gulp)
re-reading this, i'm starting to feel faint. perhaps i should alert my co-workers of this fact so they can check in on me occasionally.
since the ban started yesterday - here's a little something from october one.
yesterday i walked by a store window and saw THE most adorable michael kors bag - and my heart literally skipped two beats. michael kept whispering my name seductively, pleading with me to just run my fingers over the smooth trim, lose myself in supple leather... and i had to force my feet to keep walking along their original path. in fact, one of my friends had to physically drag me away as i left remnants of drool on the once clear glass window. she also had to hold my hand all the way to the coffee shop - yup, that's how i need to roll. first a hand, next a leash.
The one indulgence I have allowed myself is the $4/day coffee i have (it's a necessity in my book) - after all, I said i was trying to be mindful - not lose my mind.
so stay tuned for more episodes from the shopping ban.
--
hmm, someone just dropped off a 25% off special coupon to the GAP. i swear the world is out to torture me.
that's how much i plan on spending this month on the frills that oftentimes clutter but cocoon my life. Yup, you heard me right. I'm going to implement a shopping ban for the month of October. Talk about idealistic aspirations eh? I can't make it past a block without my money practically fighting its way out of my wallet and into a retail bag of some sort. I am THAT kid that can justify and rationalize any purchase - i just love the thrill of the hunt and the pleasure of the find.
In fact, on a recent 'sightseeing' trip to NYC with 30 of my closest family members - I spent the equivalent of 2 mortgage payments on some of my favorite friends - you might know them - jcrew, coach, michae kors, guess, nine west. Yup. I got so much stuff that I could have actually bought myself a ticket to Italy for a holiday instead. And this was the damage spread over less than 5 hours of shopping - without any MAJOR purchases. Now, THAT is ridiculous even for a retail-a-holic like myself. So this month, my birthday month, i've decided to shop my own closet.
I recently realized that i still have a good 30% of my wardrobe with tags on it. And reading the Economist yesterday - a wave of guilt washed over me because i am part of the generation that just has too much. it was definitely a familiar feeling. i mean, its the souvenir that keeps giving for a few months after any trip i take to india or sri lanka. i realize just how little some people have and i leave guilt ridden for all the wasteful clutter that i amass in my life. i mean i bought a beret at jcrew for $45.00 and thought it was a great deal - that's close to 5000rupees in SL. WTF. And knowing me - i will wear it twice and then lose interest in it. So this month, i am going to hope that i can find the will power i desperately need to learn a crucial lesson in my life.
so i will not be purchasing any clothing items in the month of october. or shoes. (sigh) or books. (faint) or accessories for myself or the house. or knick knacks of any sort. I will give myself $100 for the month (gulp) to cover lunches (this is a challenge because the avg lunch in my area is like $25) and that's all. (choke + gulp)
re-reading this, i'm starting to feel faint. perhaps i should alert my co-workers of this fact so they can check in on me occasionally.
since the ban started yesterday - here's a little something from october one.
yesterday i walked by a store window and saw THE most adorable michael kors bag - and my heart literally skipped two beats. michael kept whispering my name seductively, pleading with me to just run my fingers over the smooth trim, lose myself in supple leather... and i had to force my feet to keep walking along their original path. in fact, one of my friends had to physically drag me away as i left remnants of drool on the once clear glass window. she also had to hold my hand all the way to the coffee shop - yup, that's how i need to roll. first a hand, next a leash.
The one indulgence I have allowed myself is the $4/day coffee i have (it's a necessity in my book) - after all, I said i was trying to be mindful - not lose my mind.
so stay tuned for more episodes from the shopping ban.
--
hmm, someone just dropped off a 25% off special coupon to the GAP. i swear the world is out to torture me.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
bored
stiff.
or is it loose.
i. feel. like. jello.
jiggley and undefined.
that's what a lack of craziness can do to a type-a freak, like myself. this week has been painfully slow. i quite prefer the days of running around with an exposed artery, extinguisher in hand dealing with high profile accounts, knobheads, and putting out proverbial fires. This relaxed pace has my skin crawling.
maybe i need a shot of benadryl. who am i kidding - i need the whole bottle to stave off what i'm certain is an allergic reaction to "downtime". i need to learn how to relax and enjoy this - otherwise i'll be featured in the obituaries a lot sooner than anticipated.
so i suppose its time to go home and be a wife now.
and tonight is my unfortunate night to cook. please god, pray for me and the sweet potatoes that i am going to attempt to turn into fries - using an oven! oy. the recipes look super easy online - but when i get into executing them - they feel harder than the steep climb of mt. kilimanjaro. i'm fairly certain that i'll set the fire alarm off - after all, it's my nightly ritual. that's how i alert my neighbors that somethin's a-cookin in suite 1511.
i'm so lucky the hubs is too kind to say anything nasty and moreover, thank god for his iron belly.
g'nite.
or is it loose.
i. feel. like. jello.
jiggley and undefined.
that's what a lack of craziness can do to a type-a freak, like myself. this week has been painfully slow. i quite prefer the days of running around with an exposed artery, extinguisher in hand dealing with high profile accounts, knobheads, and putting out proverbial fires. This relaxed pace has my skin crawling.
maybe i need a shot of benadryl. who am i kidding - i need the whole bottle to stave off what i'm certain is an allergic reaction to "downtime". i need to learn how to relax and enjoy this - otherwise i'll be featured in the obituaries a lot sooner than anticipated.
so i suppose its time to go home and be a wife now.
and tonight is my unfortunate night to cook. please god, pray for me and the sweet potatoes that i am going to attempt to turn into fries - using an oven! oy. the recipes look super easy online - but when i get into executing them - they feel harder than the steep climb of mt. kilimanjaro. i'm fairly certain that i'll set the fire alarm off - after all, it's my nightly ritual. that's how i alert my neighbors that somethin's a-cookin in suite 1511.
i'm so lucky the hubs is too kind to say anything nasty and moreover, thank god for his iron belly.
g'nite.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Top 10 list of life's simple and inexpensive pleasures
simple and inexpensive...now those are two words that rarely play a part in my vocab. i am THAT girl where everything that means anything is usually a complicated chaotic conundrum that costs an arm, leg and a kidney at least(if you are lucky). so having read this on someone's blog - i accepted the open tag as a challenge of sorts. let's see how long it takes me to document 10 simple and inexpensive pleasures, in no particular order.
ready...set...go..(10:24am)
one: re-reading a book from my personal collection, with a venti latte (non-fat, extra hot, extra wet, with a splash of sugar free vanilla) on my balcony in the sun. bliss.
two: going home to play with bailey. he is the simplest pleasure i know. he loves without expectation - except for the occasional walk, belly rub and treat. In fact, he'll even settle for a stalk of celery and a cuddle-nap with his bff's. i'm lucky that his circle of trust includes me.
three: hanging out with my family. this feels like a cop-out answer. everyone who knows me knows that they define me in so many ways. however, spending time with them is in fact a simple and inexpensive pleasure - so there.
four: Co. Bigelow lemon lip cream. every application makes me swoon. Not only is it a staple in my bag but it's also a great pick-me-up.
(pause: to answer a couple questions on a brief + defend the key message)
five: revisiting old memories. i heart albums bursting with all sorts of moments. i'm camera-happy all the way and tend to document every moment to the chagrin of those around me. but it makes for hours and hours of stumbles down memory lane :)
six: long phone chats with the bff. the best. only trumped by long chats with the bff in person.
(pause: two phone calls + one cup of coffee + great news - JCrew is having another sale!)
seven: an apres-dinner stroll with the hubs (minus our wallets) through the urban cityscape that we call home.
eight: sleep. elusive and oh-so-enticing.
nine: ammio's pittu.takes me back to 75 IBC Road.
(pause: reminder to fill in timesheets...bleh, the bane of my existence)
ten: writing. *sigh*. which reminds me - i need to get back to it.
and we're done.
(10:56am)
i guess i am far more grounded than i gave myself credit for. It's 10:56am and it's time to scoot to a meeting. i heart those few and far between days when the world of advertising moves at a turtle's pace.
ready...set...go..(10:24am)
one: re-reading a book from my personal collection, with a venti latte (non-fat, extra hot, extra wet, with a splash of sugar free vanilla) on my balcony in the sun. bliss.
two: going home to play with bailey. he is the simplest pleasure i know. he loves without expectation - except for the occasional walk, belly rub and treat. In fact, he'll even settle for a stalk of celery and a cuddle-nap with his bff's. i'm lucky that his circle of trust includes me.
three: hanging out with my family. this feels like a cop-out answer. everyone who knows me knows that they define me in so many ways. however, spending time with them is in fact a simple and inexpensive pleasure - so there.
four: Co. Bigelow lemon lip cream. every application makes me swoon. Not only is it a staple in my bag but it's also a great pick-me-up.
(pause: to answer a couple questions on a brief + defend the key message)
five: revisiting old memories. i heart albums bursting with all sorts of moments. i'm camera-happy all the way and tend to document every moment to the chagrin of those around me. but it makes for hours and hours of stumbles down memory lane :)
six: long phone chats with the bff. the best. only trumped by long chats with the bff in person.
(pause: two phone calls + one cup of coffee + great news - JCrew is having another sale!)
seven: an apres-dinner stroll with the hubs (minus our wallets) through the urban cityscape that we call home.
eight: sleep. elusive and oh-so-enticing.
nine: ammio's pittu.takes me back to 75 IBC Road.
(pause: reminder to fill in timesheets...bleh, the bane of my existence)
ten: writing. *sigh*. which reminds me - i need to get back to it.
and we're done.
(10:56am)
i guess i am far more grounded than i gave myself credit for. It's 10:56am and it's time to scoot to a meeting. i heart those few and far between days when the world of advertising moves at a turtle's pace.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
i've got
hoppers on my mind.
*sigh*
instead, i'll be having some grilled halibut with spinach aioli.
gah.
*sigh*
instead, i'll be having some grilled halibut with spinach aioli.
gah.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
hump day ranting
"oh my god, this is unreal"
"hold up, are they seriously talking about this AGAIN?!?!?"
"someone hand taylor a box of kleenex"
"maybe they need to exile kanyeandeveryothereffinradiostationthatplaysthisnoneffinstop"
--
and that my dear friends was my thought process this morning.
gahh! nothing bothers me more than rifling through the Economist, which deals with REAL issues, in the morning to the soundtrack of another boo-hoo celebrity-infused-perez-hilton sponsored moment. on re-peat.
FML.
--
In other news, i've got a strategy session with a client today - and i am PSYCHED. Yup, i am THAT geek. Heck, if you get paid practically nothing to do what you love doing - then you might as well milk the few moments of bliss for all their worth.
Advertising is totally my first-love. She's high-maintenance. Requires a truckload of TLC. Demands my undivided attention. Makes me work into the wee hours of the morning. Expects me to kiss-face and ass at more events than I have the bandwidth to handle. Pushes me out of my comfort zone on a daily basis. Makes my heart pound at the thought of a great strategy and the potential of phenomenal creative. Gets me misty-eyed courtesy of too-much joy + great creative. Makes the major inconveniences feel minor. She's the soundtrack that plays behind everything else i do.
and this bothers me because...
1. i have a phenomenal job that i absolutely adore
2. i have an amazing family that i am blessed to have + friends that ease the ride
3. i have a hubs that absolutely adores me and is still in love with me (after almost 7 years)
4. i have loads of things i love - tangible things - an enviable closet, a drool-inducing library, more gadgets than a girl needs + all the necessities
in other words, i have a pretty cushy life.
but for some strange reason - something doesn't feel quite right. i feel like i blew a fuse.
{more internal investigations to follow}
in the meantime - i have a meeting to prep for!
yay wednesday.glad you could make it.
--
oooh...and today i get to meet sue!
*sigh*
like icing on a cupcake.
"hold up, are they seriously talking about this AGAIN?!?!?"
"someone hand taylor a box of kleenex"
"maybe they need to exile kanyeandeveryothereffinradiostationthatplaysthisnoneffinstop"
--
and that my dear friends was my thought process this morning.
gahh! nothing bothers me more than rifling through the Economist, which deals with REAL issues, in the morning to the soundtrack of another boo-hoo celebrity-infused-perez-hilton sponsored moment. on re-peat.
FML.
--
In other news, i've got a strategy session with a client today - and i am PSYCHED. Yup, i am THAT geek. Heck, if you get paid practically nothing to do what you love doing - then you might as well milk the few moments of bliss for all their worth.
Advertising is totally my first-love. She's high-maintenance. Requires a truckload of TLC. Demands my undivided attention. Makes me work into the wee hours of the morning. Expects me to kiss-face and ass at more events than I have the bandwidth to handle. Pushes me out of my comfort zone on a daily basis. Makes my heart pound at the thought of a great strategy and the potential of phenomenal creative. Gets me misty-eyed courtesy of too-much joy + great creative. Makes the major inconveniences feel minor. She's the soundtrack that plays behind everything else i do.
and this bothers me because...
1. i have a phenomenal job that i absolutely adore
2. i have an amazing family that i am blessed to have + friends that ease the ride
3. i have a hubs that absolutely adores me and is still in love with me (after almost 7 years)
4. i have loads of things i love - tangible things - an enviable closet, a drool-inducing library, more gadgets than a girl needs + all the necessities
in other words, i have a pretty cushy life.
but for some strange reason - something doesn't feel quite right. i feel like i blew a fuse.
{more internal investigations to follow}
in the meantime - i have a meeting to prep for!
yay wednesday.glad you could make it.
--
oooh...and today i get to meet sue!
*sigh*
like icing on a cupcake.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
dis-con-nect-ed-
ish.
not sure why.
but here's a little something that made me go: hmmmm.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
-Gilda Radner
--
i never could resist the urge to take a peek at the ending. these days, i'm fumbling to visualize those last pages and its frustrating that i'm coming up empty.
this too shall pass my little minnow. this. too. shall. pass.
*sigh*
not sure why.
but here's a little something that made me go: hmmmm.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next."
-Gilda Radner
--
i never could resist the urge to take a peek at the ending. these days, i'm fumbling to visualize those last pages and its frustrating that i'm coming up empty.
this too shall pass my little minnow. this. too. shall. pass.
*sigh*
Friday, September 11, 2009
this morning
i have one phrase stuck between membranes...
a journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.
profound. if i can remember it, that is.
TGIF.
a journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.
profound. if i can remember it, that is.
TGIF.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
the ad world
is not one that is filled with all the glamor of the 60's. we don't roll into work at 10:00am to an office specifically outfitted with a deluxe premium bar and a hoard of secretaries. unfortunately, my life isn't a rerun of an episode of madmen.
instead, i woke up to the pleasantries of an early morning branding session that went into the early afternoon hours.
my belly grumbled along with my brain for having to digest so much newness at such an ungodly hour.
however, i did walk out of that meeting with one key take away ---> listening alone does not affect change. action does.
write that down folks - it is simply brilliant.
instead, i woke up to the pleasantries of an early morning branding session that went into the early afternoon hours.
my belly grumbled along with my brain for having to digest so much newness at such an ungodly hour.
however, i did walk out of that meeting with one key take away ---> listening alone does not affect change. action does.
write that down folks - it is simply brilliant.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
craving
familiarity.
lately, i've got nicotine on my mind.
and despite being smoke-free for 11 months (yup, quite the feat!)
the last few days have been mentally grueling
because my brain seems to be begging for - just.one.drag.
lately, i've got nicotine on my mind.
and despite being smoke-free for 11 months (yup, quite the feat!)
the last few days have been mentally grueling
because my brain seems to be begging for - just.one.drag.
hrmph.
it's fall.
as in, the summer weather that was misplaced en route to me, is now officially being shooed out the door. yup, life is indeed - unfair.
september always smells of newness - more so than january does. summer's done. school's in. the markets pick up. life gets busy. and this year, i walked into the newness, complacently. Mind you that's only because nothing can compare itself to last year's entrance - sheathed in brave new decisions and navigating a new career path.
my mantra (the same old one) is to try to visit this spot a little more. post some more. write some more. vent some more. pen myself out of my issues - some more.
in the meantime, i was witness to a pretty gruesome marital spat in the last little while. the infuriated husband screamed: if I'm a bad husband it's because you are a bad wife.
my reaction:
a bad husband is not created by a bad wife. he is actually created by a bad mom and an unhealthy parental relationship. but nice try buddy.
yup. that's my thought for the day.and it nicely reflects the cynicism that's becoming a part of my so-called-nature.
as in, the summer weather that was misplaced en route to me, is now officially being shooed out the door. yup, life is indeed - unfair.
september always smells of newness - more so than january does. summer's done. school's in. the markets pick up. life gets busy. and this year, i walked into the newness, complacently. Mind you that's only because nothing can compare itself to last year's entrance - sheathed in brave new decisions and navigating a new career path.
my mantra (the same old one) is to try to visit this spot a little more. post some more. write some more. vent some more. pen myself out of my issues - some more.
in the meantime, i was witness to a pretty gruesome marital spat in the last little while. the infuriated husband screamed: if I'm a bad husband it's because you are a bad wife.
my reaction:
a bad husband is not created by a bad wife. he is actually created by a bad mom and an unhealthy parental relationship. but nice try buddy.
yup. that's my thought for the day.and it nicely reflects the cynicism that's becoming a part of my so-called-nature.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
48 hours of bliss
oops, minus 6.
this past weekend was our annual "end-of-summer" shopping trip. we (R3 + lil J) look forward to this weekend all summer long. sure, it means the end of the summer (considering the crappy weather we've had - this year, we couldn't wait to leave summer, the traitor, behind and dive into fall) but more importantly, it also means copious amounts of shopping - and trust me, nobody shops as hard or as seriously as the four of us do.
the weekend was filled with too much laughter, greasy comments, sketchy jokes, lots of chatter, some bugs (the two legged and winged variety) and of course - lots and lots of shopping bags. we put our usual excuse of requiring retail therapy out of her misery and fully embraced our manic desire to burn all our money and melt our plastic.
some choice moments:::
life partner (all 26 minutes of it); 4 half asleep women, 1 bathroom in the AM (enough said); arguments punctuated with laughter; crossing the border; "hey, your accent changes!"; the bladder calls - TGforPrime; Michael Kors *swoon* (yes, he came home with me); "he's small but needs a double xl"; 2 hrs of boy shopping; "oooh, look at the corelle dinnerware" -- "oh no, she's part of the wives club"; $3 tee's @ old navy + hot tanned cashout guy who likes a frugal girl = lil j's dream; auntie annie makes good sugary bread sticks; getting lost (again); checking in; strange stares from a wedding party as four brown people holding 30 bags try to fit into the worlds smallest elevator; walden *bliss*; "i can make you that headband - Eff Jcrew" - no thanks :); forever19 spent 120minutes at forever21; bff's random sweater-find *envy*;remembering that food is a necessity - jacks wings; someone sucks on balls; 828 to 806 - thanks mini buggies; dragging 50 retail bags across a ridiculously long hallway; cheaper by the dozen; laughter; more laughter; then someone peed; borders; $1 target milkyways; IHOP & Dominique; rain; more laughter; "excuse me, am i a car?"; i freaking heart you guys; dumb & dumber; 8 photos = 20 minutes of entertainment for people sitting by the booth; excuses & tales to cross the border; "you always pick the wrong line"; cute customs guy - zero questions; long eyelashes - longer drive; spent emotionally and physically; at the end of it all - i freaking heart you guys.
phew. as a group, we all helped out the US economy by spending some serious $$$ on the other side of the border. it was an amazing weekend and i. feel. so. blessed. I have great friends that i can laugh and get on with - knowing all the while that we'll still be together 20 years from now. Unless one of them b*@&h's disses my baby - jcrew.
--::--
and of course, i got home to find my favorite stranger - back from his journey - in one piece.
11:36pm on sunday night:::::life couldn't have been better.
this past weekend was our annual "end-of-summer" shopping trip. we (R3 + lil J) look forward to this weekend all summer long. sure, it means the end of the summer (considering the crappy weather we've had - this year, we couldn't wait to leave summer, the traitor, behind and dive into fall) but more importantly, it also means copious amounts of shopping - and trust me, nobody shops as hard or as seriously as the four of us do.
the weekend was filled with too much laughter, greasy comments, sketchy jokes, lots of chatter, some bugs (the two legged and winged variety) and of course - lots and lots of shopping bags. we put our usual excuse of requiring retail therapy out of her misery and fully embraced our manic desire to burn all our money and melt our plastic.
some choice moments:::
life partner (all 26 minutes of it); 4 half asleep women, 1 bathroom in the AM (enough said); arguments punctuated with laughter; crossing the border; "hey, your accent changes!"; the bladder calls - TGforPrime; Michael Kors *swoon* (yes, he came home with me); "he's small but needs a double xl"; 2 hrs of boy shopping; "oooh, look at the corelle dinnerware" -- "oh no, she's part of the wives club"; $3 tee's @ old navy + hot tanned cashout guy who likes a frugal girl = lil j's dream; auntie annie makes good sugary bread sticks; getting lost (again); checking in; strange stares from a wedding party as four brown people holding 30 bags try to fit into the worlds smallest elevator; walden *bliss*; "i can make you that headband - Eff Jcrew" - no thanks :); forever19 spent 120minutes at forever21; bff's random sweater-find *envy*;remembering that food is a necessity - jacks wings; someone sucks on balls; 828 to 806 - thanks mini buggies; dragging 50 retail bags across a ridiculously long hallway; cheaper by the dozen; laughter; more laughter; then someone peed; borders; $1 target milkyways; IHOP & Dominique; rain; more laughter; "excuse me, am i a car?"; i freaking heart you guys; dumb & dumber; 8 photos = 20 minutes of entertainment for people sitting by the booth; excuses & tales to cross the border; "you always pick the wrong line"; cute customs guy - zero questions; long eyelashes - longer drive; spent emotionally and physically; at the end of it all - i freaking heart you guys.
phew. as a group, we all helped out the US economy by spending some serious $$$ on the other side of the border. it was an amazing weekend and i. feel. so. blessed. I have great friends that i can laugh and get on with - knowing all the while that we'll still be together 20 years from now. Unless one of them b*@&h's disses my baby - jcrew.
--::--
and of course, i got home to find my favorite stranger - back from his journey - in one piece.
11:36pm on sunday night:::::life couldn't have been better.
a yearning
for pol sambol.
dear sri lanka,
lately, you've been on my mind. there must be something in the air because everywhere i turn, i hear a haunting whisper that tickles every cell and blossoms into a festival of goosebumps. it follows me, begging me to come back home.
but sri lanka, lets be honest here - you were never home to me. i was mostly just a squatter. there with no permanence in mind. flying in and out for hot summers by the sea.
and that's why i find your behavior astonishing. and my reaction - terrifying. i can't seem to shake this feeling. i keep searching for your likeness in things that are fundamentally so un-like you. it's apposite though.
the older i get - the more i want to sink back into your lap and my past of smocked cotton dresses, papaya's on street corners and royal bakery runs.
2011 can't come soon enough. until then, taunt somebody else.
in fact, i will even recommend a few people who could use a little reminding of exactly where they came from :)
love,
the Canadian*
*for now.
dear sri lanka,
lately, you've been on my mind. there must be something in the air because everywhere i turn, i hear a haunting whisper that tickles every cell and blossoms into a festival of goosebumps. it follows me, begging me to come back home.
but sri lanka, lets be honest here - you were never home to me. i was mostly just a squatter. there with no permanence in mind. flying in and out for hot summers by the sea.
and that's why i find your behavior astonishing. and my reaction - terrifying. i can't seem to shake this feeling. i keep searching for your likeness in things that are fundamentally so un-like you. it's apposite though.
the older i get - the more i want to sink back into your lap and my past of smocked cotton dresses, papaya's on street corners and royal bakery runs.
2011 can't come soon enough. until then, taunt somebody else.
in fact, i will even recommend a few people who could use a little reminding of exactly where they came from :)
love,
the Canadian*
*for now.
Monday, April 27, 2009
List # 3: 3 things that i can't control...
that drive the hubs and me into a funk.
1. Other people having babies. This requires an explanation. This weekend the hubs and I lived separately. We did our own thing and yet both our weekends were filled with babies. People making them. Having them. Trying for them. Pining for them. You name it - we saw it. Different circumstances - absolutely. But we both got the same underlying question asked many a time during the last 48 hours - when will it be our turn. Now, it's nobodys business but our own but having a broken diabetic-ridden baby is not our idea of a good time. So i'm figuring out my diabetes while he cools his heels. And we're fine with that. WTH, I'm not even 110% sure that I'm completely ready for a screaming bundle of joy. And yet, when i see all our friends venture down that path - it kinda puts me in a funk. Not because i'm not happy for them - but because their next step makes me feel peer pressured. OMG. That's it. I feel peer pressured to get pregnant.
Now, there's a wonderful reason to procreate.
2. Our families. Obviously a marriage is about negotiating between two very different continents completely removed from one another. There are things that our respective peeps do that drive the other bonkers. It is completely out of our control and we're bound not only by mutual respect and love to shut up and put up - but sometimes, and only sometimes, it drives us both into that grey zone.
And in those moments of sheer madness, for one nanosecond, we wish the other was an orphan, with no ties that bind.
3. Busy Schedules. Okay, so this one is a shadey number three. We always attempt to clear some time for each other and it works on the stuff that we can control. But sometimes, it's not us. I swear. It's the rest of the world. We find ourselves completely bogged down with event, after event, after event. And sure, we could say "no" and politely decline or just pretend we never got the invite - but most of these events spring from people that are close to us where the guilt of saying no - would be more haunting than the act of just playing along. And so we do. But of course, the lack of alone time slowly eats away at the seams of our relationship until a lonesome thread unravels and someone loses an eye.
This weekend was a combination of all three things. Thankfully none of them blew up to the point of no return. But i wonder...how strong is our bond...how much can it take..and we haven't even reached our year 2 milestone.
1. Other people having babies. This requires an explanation. This weekend the hubs and I lived separately. We did our own thing and yet both our weekends were filled with babies. People making them. Having them. Trying for them. Pining for them. You name it - we saw it. Different circumstances - absolutely. But we both got the same underlying question asked many a time during the last 48 hours - when will it be our turn. Now, it's nobodys business but our own but having a broken diabetic-ridden baby is not our idea of a good time. So i'm figuring out my diabetes while he cools his heels. And we're fine with that. WTH, I'm not even 110% sure that I'm completely ready for a screaming bundle of joy. And yet, when i see all our friends venture down that path - it kinda puts me in a funk. Not because i'm not happy for them - but because their next step makes me feel peer pressured. OMG. That's it. I feel peer pressured to get pregnant.
Now, there's a wonderful reason to procreate.
2. Our families. Obviously a marriage is about negotiating between two very different continents completely removed from one another. There are things that our respective peeps do that drive the other bonkers. It is completely out of our control and we're bound not only by mutual respect and love to shut up and put up - but sometimes, and only sometimes, it drives us both into that grey zone.
And in those moments of sheer madness, for one nanosecond, we wish the other was an orphan, with no ties that bind.
3. Busy Schedules. Okay, so this one is a shadey number three. We always attempt to clear some time for each other and it works on the stuff that we can control. But sometimes, it's not us. I swear. It's the rest of the world. We find ourselves completely bogged down with event, after event, after event. And sure, we could say "no" and politely decline or just pretend we never got the invite - but most of these events spring from people that are close to us where the guilt of saying no - would be more haunting than the act of just playing along. And so we do. But of course, the lack of alone time slowly eats away at the seams of our relationship until a lonesome thread unravels and someone loses an eye.
This weekend was a combination of all three things. Thankfully none of them blew up to the point of no return. But i wonder...how strong is our bond...how much can it take..and we haven't even reached our year 2 milestone.
Monday, April 13, 2009
List Two: Five Flaws
Easter was nice. Busy but nice. I did something that I am highly unaccustomed to doing: giving away my stuff. AKA - a wardrobe purge. Mikey forced me into it - and considering that i had 6/7 things per hanger squished into my slidey closet - it made total sense. More so because I spend a fair bit on my clothes - and as much as I hate to admit it - your clothes do need some breathing room. So 3 garbage bags later - my closet feels lighter and strangely my life more organized. Who knew my clothes had so much to do with everything in my life!
--
Flaw one: i am all or nothing - all the time about everything.
Flaw two: i expect too much from people - from simple things like etiquette to bigger and more illustrious things.
Flaw three: i am loyal to a fault when we're talking about people i love.
Flaw four: i start things on a whim but rarely see them through.
Flaw five: i am allergic to the idea of saving.
Flaw six: i have zero will power about a lot of things.
Flaw seven: i rarely follow instructions.
--
hmmm...i could go on i think. but in the hopes of saving my self-esteem from a beat down - i think i'd like to stop now.
--
Flaw one: i am all or nothing - all the time about everything.
Flaw two: i expect too much from people - from simple things like etiquette to bigger and more illustrious things.
Flaw three: i am loyal to a fault when we're talking about people i love.
Flaw four: i start things on a whim but rarely see them through.
Flaw five: i am allergic to the idea of saving.
Flaw six: i have zero will power about a lot of things.
Flaw seven: i rarely follow instructions.
--
hmmm...i could go on i think. but in the hopes of saving my self-esteem from a beat down - i think i'd like to stop now.
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