1. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE? My index finger cuz well, she gets shit done.
2. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? Vanilla Ice (yes, yes, I was a fan – even after all the media hoopla)
3. DO LOOKS MATTER? Only if you’ve got a crappy personality.
4. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Ranting to my bestest and writing it all out.
5. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? My daddy’s arms, my sister’s smile
6. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Pens and books (talk about a geek in the making) oh and lest I forget, rama.
7. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS? Calculus & Accounting (the former because well it did nothing for me and the latter because talking about money in such quantifiable terms made me want to cry)
8. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Authenticity. Character. A good sense of self. Oh and someone who isn’t afraid to dream. And these days, LOYALTY.
9. WHAT ARE YOU NICKNAMES? Jana, Radhamma, Kunju, Mahale, Jans, Jana Banana, podi nona, Radhakka
10. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? ½. Figures! I tend to save a little bit of everything.
11. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? Face (I’m just a ‘great face’ kinda girl)
12. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I'm feeling out of sorts – not sure why, just yet.
13. FAVORITE MONTH? July. Because well, that’s when my bestest met me.
14. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? Not particularly – although the ring does cramp my style ;)
15. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? I’d like to think that I treat my relationships with the same excitement that a one night stand has – minus the après-deed guilt that is.
16. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Scrabble!
17. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Again? Ahh, Again.
18. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. These girls are fun and funny.
19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUMES? Body Sprays courtesy of Victoria and her secrets
20. NIKE, REEBOK OR ADIDAS? Puma thanks.
21. NAME TWO THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOUR PROFESSION. My new one? I’ll get to talk to lots of different people and hopefully have fun doing it.
22. FAV BRAND? BCBG, for the style & fit.
23. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Jillunu oru kadhal!
24. What is your favorite TV show? Project Runway!!! ANTM & other reality delights. King of Queens, SATC, Entourage, What I Like About You, The Sopranos, Seinfeld.
25. What did you have for breakfast? A cheese sandwich – in a sandwich maker – old school style.
26. What is your middle name? Radha.
27. What foods do you dislike? Bitter gourds.
28. What is your favorite crisp flavor? Salt and pepper. Boring but good.
29. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Whatever is on rotation on my iPod.
30. What kind of car do you drive? A civic. Yes, I am brown.
31. Favorite sandwich? Yummy tuna on 12 grain with avocado.
32. What characteristic do you despise? Dishonesty, infidelity, two-faced people.
33. Favorite item of clothing? Red riding hood rain jacket.
34. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you
go? Anywhere and everywhere that airlines are allowed to travel.
35. What color is your bathroom? Pink & more pink
37. Where would you retire to? Sri Lanka.
38. Favorite time of the day? Day break
39. What was your most memorable birthday? 4 b/c that’s when my bestest joined me.
40. Where were you born? 6° 54' N 79° 52' E (Colombo, Sri Lanka)
41. What fabric detergent do you use? Sunlight
42. Are you a morning person or a night person? Morning – as in 5am.
43. Do you have any pets? Sparky, trixie and some random fish that dad keeps killing and then replacing
44. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with friends and
family? Not really - my life is unfortunately boring.
45. What did you want to be when you were little? A lawyer/Novelist.
46. What do you hope your friends remember about you when you're dead?
That I gave them the best of me.
47 What are you most afraid of? Being a failure.
48. Where do you plan to go on your honeymoon? Italy, Bali or Kenya.
49. How do you eat an Oreo? Twist clockwise (x2), lick and then rip into that chocolatey goodness
50. Favorite magazine? InStyle, Oprah and Shape
51. Favorite smell? The air before a good downpour, my amma’s hair
52. Least favorite smell? Eggplants in oil
53. How many rings before you answer the phone? 3 and then my voice mail picks it for me.
54. Future child's name? Zoe & Ziggy (yes, I’m serious) ;)
55. Glass is half empty or half full? Half empty.
56. Favorite movie? A tie between Scarface and the Sound of Music
57. What's under your bed? Drawers – hello! What’s under yours?
58. Favorite saying/quote: sorry about your luck kid, thanks for coming out, no freakin way!
59. What advice would you give a little kid? If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t – you probably won’t.
60. Your favorite Potato chips? Ketchup
63. What were your different jobs? Copywriter, gofer, event coordinator, marketing exec, telemarketer, freelance journalist…aw man, I am a jack of all trades!
64. Number and Location of Piercings? 6 - ears
65. Ever been to Africa? Only in my imagination (Kenya and Botsuwana are on my to do list)
66. Ever been toilet papering? Yup (3 years straight – on the coldest day in Feb)
67. Been in a car accident? A couple. Usually, not my fault. Unfortunately, that’s not always a general consensus.
68. Favorite day of the week? Wednesday – because I invariably feel like I’ve already accomplished so much by getting to that cherished mid-week point.
69. Favorite Resturant? The Fish House; SuSur
70. Favorite flower? cream and yellow Araliya’s (aka frangipani’s)
71. Favorite fast food restaurant? Subway
72. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? The question is: Which store would I NOT choose to max out my credit card!
73. Bedtime: these days, I drop at like 10:00pm
74. Last person you went to dinner with? My bestest.
75. How many tattoos do you have? 1 (hopefully that number will go up in the next 30 days)
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
10 hours and 21 minutes
i still feel broken.
Betrayed (according to Websters Online)
1 : to lead astray; especially : SEDUCE
2 : to deliver to an enemy by treachery
3 : to fail or desert especially in time of need
Completely so. And SHE is a trooper.
Still the best version of humanity. Still strong. Still unbreakable.
Still loved, more than she will ever know.
pray that i quell this unnatural thirst for my pound of flesh.
Betrayed (according to Websters Online)
1 : to lead astray; especially : SEDUCE
2 : to deliver to an enemy by treachery
3 : to fail or desert especially in time of need
Completely so. And SHE is a trooper.
Still the best version of humanity. Still strong. Still unbreakable.
Still loved, more than she will ever know.
pray that i quell this unnatural thirst for my pound of flesh.
Friday, September 15, 2006
2 hours and 15 minutes.
A lifetime for some small creatures.
But for me, it’s the countdown to when life will really begin.
Weekends = ambrosia (courtesy of sibil)
At some point, I’ve got to reset that clock.
Work should be more fun – shouldn’t it?
I suppose my solace comes from one simple seedlet of truth: At least, I get to exercise my brain cells on a daily basis.
And any growth (except the horizontal kind) is good in my books.
Have a solid weekend ya'll.
But for me, it’s the countdown to when life will really begin.
Weekends = ambrosia (courtesy of sibil)
At some point, I’ve got to reset that clock.
Work should be more fun – shouldn’t it?
I suppose my solace comes from one simple seedlet of truth: At least, I get to exercise my brain cells on a daily basis.
And any growth (except the horizontal kind) is good in my books.
Have a solid weekend ya'll.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
half-mast
exactly 1 month ago, on aug 14th 2006- 61 cries curdled the clouds above a sencholi orphanage. sri lanka lost 61 children that day in an air raid - future prime ministers, doctors, writers, peaceworkers...*sigh*
my motherland is being torn apart again and today more so than other days, i wish there was some way i could turn back the hands of time.i feel like my hands are tied - i'm stuck - i'm far enough to feel physically removed yet emotionally close enough to be completely devastated by all of this.
and yesterday - some nimrod opened fire in a Montreal schoolyard injuring 20something and killing 1. *double sigh*
there's so much suckage in this post right now that i don't think i can wax poetic. sorry ya'll - this one is for remembrance more than anything else.
may the powers that be guide those that have been impacted by these human follies - and may the rest of us find enough clarity to realize that it doesn't have to be this way.
my motherland is being torn apart again and today more so than other days, i wish there was some way i could turn back the hands of time.i feel like my hands are tied - i'm stuck - i'm far enough to feel physically removed yet emotionally close enough to be completely devastated by all of this.
and yesterday - some nimrod opened fire in a Montreal schoolyard injuring 20something and killing 1. *double sigh*
there's so much suckage in this post right now that i don't think i can wax poetic. sorry ya'll - this one is for remembrance more than anything else.
may the powers that be guide those that have been impacted by these human follies - and may the rest of us find enough clarity to realize that it doesn't have to be this way.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
first day revelations...
On Sept 11th, five years after North Americans experienced one of its largest disasters, I nervously waited at Islington Station for Mikey’s mom and Aunt, clutching my bright yellow hold-all. I was hoping it made me invincible or heck, invisible at the least (doubtful considering the sheer propensity of my screaming yellow leather). It was officially the first day of my RCIA course.
For those of you who haven’t brushed up on your Catholicism as of late – RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. This is where strayed herds flock to reconnect with their faith and repent their past wrongs by delving into and completing their sacraments. It also happens to be phase 1 for other livestock, (re: hindu, muslim, jewish cattle etc), to explore and experience the role Catholicism might play in their existence. The class is every Monday night from 7:30 -9:30 all the way until the end of May. Their dearest and deepest hope is that all their students complete the course and graduate as fully baptized Catholics. In my entrance interview, I made it crystal that if for a second I felt like I was about to be victimized by being baptized against my will – that I would run. And I wasn’t afraid to take down the lovely old course moderator on my way out. Mikes has trained me well with all his shoving strategies witnessed on the subway.
Background: I was doing this to make Aunty happy. That’s all. I was learning about Mikeys religion, his ideologies, the roots of his belief system so in the event (lord forbid) we have children – I’ve got the tools to point them in the right direction. I’m not resentful for making this decision – it’s actually one of the clearest indicators that I must truly adore this man. However, I made it abundantly clear that while I was Hindu by birth, I was a practicing Hindu by choice. Arey Bhaghavan, I’ve got an Om emblazoned on the left side of my chest to reflect this definition of self. It is a key piece in the jana puzzle – and adamantly, I choose to keep it so. Now think about it people - could there be a worse candidate for conversion? That’s like marrying someone who proudly showcases a permanent tattoo of his ex’s name on his forehead – yup, see what I mean. No good can come of a union like that.
The Experience: The actual class was a group of 10. People were there for all types of reasons from completing missed confirmations, implementing a unified religion in their family, finding themselves, reconnecting with God, looking for answers, exploring due to an impending marriage – you name it – the room reflected it. And I didn’t feel as lost, as compromised, as sacrificial a lamb as I assumed I would. Actually, I was quite amazed by the experience.
You see, growing up in a convent made sure that I understood the Catholic faith, growing up with a mother who is inherently fascinated by all things catholic meant I learnt to respect it. In our little pooja room, Jesus hangs out with his homie Ganesh and they sure as heck kick it with Buddha on the occasion. I’d always envied my friends (real and flog bound) who have these communal religious groups that they participate in – activities, socials, athletics, prayer meets, conventions – you name it, these church bound people were doing it. It was the sense of community that my religion lacked. Ours exists as a purely personal bond with God – one that has no sermons, no publicized teachings, no take aways and action items – it was spirituality and religion at its purest form – man cocooning himself hungrily in that circle of divinity. And this is what I enjoy about being Hindu – that I can create a personal bond to soothe the restlessness within – no rules, just open doors. And that’s how we coexist with religion in my home.
So anyways, it’s not like I had my hate on when I embarked on this journey. But, I was surprised. Here you had, 10 people – jaded, cynical, weather beaten and worn down by life experiences – willing to place their trust in a higher power. Think newborns as they grasp at their mother’s nipple – trusting and vulnerable. I discovered things about these people that showcased their depth – things that you wouldn’t share with complete strangers, things you’d think twice to share with acquaintances. There in that little room, around that rectangular table – something shifted. And I witnessed the seed of humanity –which we all share – unequivocally. It’s eye opening to be in a room with that much faith, even the course director was amazed at what a wonderful introductory session we had. I felt closer to these people as we exited the building – excited to reconvene the following Monday.
And on my way home that night, I came to a tiny little miniscule revelation. I liked it. Now now, lets not get ahead of ourselves – I won’t be banging down any doors to dunk my head in holy water and call myself Anne but, maybe I’ll find a reason to claim this deed for myself. Like I told Mikey’s mom the morning after my foray into the other side – while I started this journey of faith to appease her I might actually find enough reasons to continue my commitment for myself. And THAT my dear friends, is HUGE.
After all, God by any name and any label is still God. It’s the simple and true knowledge that there is a higher power that exists above us all – a power that guides us and has set about a pre-determined purpose to our existences. Having that faith absolves you of bearing the burdens of the entire world on your own human shoulders. Seeing that light lets you rise above the pettiness of your current context – it breeds humility and nurtures awe for that elusive bigger picture. It helps you realize that while life can be fragile – that there is no doubt a fleet of higher beings looking out for the wellness of the world – a sect that you belong to by merely being alive.Now, is that comforting? Absolutely.
That night I walked out awakened. To myself. My spirituality. My religion. His religion. And the knowledge that at our very core we really are all the same, despite our personal paths or journey.
And that is the beginning of a world filled with epiphanies and revelations…
For those of you who haven’t brushed up on your Catholicism as of late – RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. This is where strayed herds flock to reconnect with their faith and repent their past wrongs by delving into and completing their sacraments. It also happens to be phase 1 for other livestock, (re: hindu, muslim, jewish cattle etc), to explore and experience the role Catholicism might play in their existence. The class is every Monday night from 7:30 -9:30 all the way until the end of May. Their dearest and deepest hope is that all their students complete the course and graduate as fully baptized Catholics. In my entrance interview, I made it crystal that if for a second I felt like I was about to be victimized by being baptized against my will – that I would run. And I wasn’t afraid to take down the lovely old course moderator on my way out. Mikes has trained me well with all his shoving strategies witnessed on the subway.
Background: I was doing this to make Aunty happy. That’s all. I was learning about Mikeys religion, his ideologies, the roots of his belief system so in the event (lord forbid) we have children – I’ve got the tools to point them in the right direction. I’m not resentful for making this decision – it’s actually one of the clearest indicators that I must truly adore this man. However, I made it abundantly clear that while I was Hindu by birth, I was a practicing Hindu by choice. Arey Bhaghavan, I’ve got an Om emblazoned on the left side of my chest to reflect this definition of self. It is a key piece in the jana puzzle – and adamantly, I choose to keep it so. Now think about it people - could there be a worse candidate for conversion? That’s like marrying someone who proudly showcases a permanent tattoo of his ex’s name on his forehead – yup, see what I mean. No good can come of a union like that.
The Experience: The actual class was a group of 10. People were there for all types of reasons from completing missed confirmations, implementing a unified religion in their family, finding themselves, reconnecting with God, looking for answers, exploring due to an impending marriage – you name it – the room reflected it. And I didn’t feel as lost, as compromised, as sacrificial a lamb as I assumed I would. Actually, I was quite amazed by the experience.
You see, growing up in a convent made sure that I understood the Catholic faith, growing up with a mother who is inherently fascinated by all things catholic meant I learnt to respect it. In our little pooja room, Jesus hangs out with his homie Ganesh and they sure as heck kick it with Buddha on the occasion. I’d always envied my friends (real and flog bound) who have these communal religious groups that they participate in – activities, socials, athletics, prayer meets, conventions – you name it, these church bound people were doing it. It was the sense of community that my religion lacked. Ours exists as a purely personal bond with God – one that has no sermons, no publicized teachings, no take aways and action items – it was spirituality and religion at its purest form – man cocooning himself hungrily in that circle of divinity. And this is what I enjoy about being Hindu – that I can create a personal bond to soothe the restlessness within – no rules, just open doors. And that’s how we coexist with religion in my home.
So anyways, it’s not like I had my hate on when I embarked on this journey. But, I was surprised. Here you had, 10 people – jaded, cynical, weather beaten and worn down by life experiences – willing to place their trust in a higher power. Think newborns as they grasp at their mother’s nipple – trusting and vulnerable. I discovered things about these people that showcased their depth – things that you wouldn’t share with complete strangers, things you’d think twice to share with acquaintances. There in that little room, around that rectangular table – something shifted. And I witnessed the seed of humanity –which we all share – unequivocally. It’s eye opening to be in a room with that much faith, even the course director was amazed at what a wonderful introductory session we had. I felt closer to these people as we exited the building – excited to reconvene the following Monday.
And on my way home that night, I came to a tiny little miniscule revelation. I liked it. Now now, lets not get ahead of ourselves – I won’t be banging down any doors to dunk my head in holy water and call myself Anne but, maybe I’ll find a reason to claim this deed for myself. Like I told Mikey’s mom the morning after my foray into the other side – while I started this journey of faith to appease her I might actually find enough reasons to continue my commitment for myself. And THAT my dear friends, is HUGE.
After all, God by any name and any label is still God. It’s the simple and true knowledge that there is a higher power that exists above us all – a power that guides us and has set about a pre-determined purpose to our existences. Having that faith absolves you of bearing the burdens of the entire world on your own human shoulders. Seeing that light lets you rise above the pettiness of your current context – it breeds humility and nurtures awe for that elusive bigger picture. It helps you realize that while life can be fragile – that there is no doubt a fleet of higher beings looking out for the wellness of the world – a sect that you belong to by merely being alive.Now, is that comforting? Absolutely.
That night I walked out awakened. To myself. My spirituality. My religion. His religion. And the knowledge that at our very core we really are all the same, despite our personal paths or journey.
And that is the beginning of a world filled with epiphanies and revelations…
First day revelations..
On Sept 11th, five years after North Americans experienced one of its largest disasters, I nervously waited at Islington Station for Mikey’s mom and Aunt, clutching my bright yellow hold-all. I was hoping it made me invincible or heck, invisible at the least (doubtful considering the sheer propensity of my screaming yellow leather). It was officially the first day of my RCIA course.
For those of you who haven’t brushed up on your Catholicism as of late – RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. This is where strayed herds flock to reconnect with their faith and repent their past wrongs by delving into and completing their sacraments. It also happens to be phase 1 for other livestock, (re: hindu, muslim, jewish cattle etc), to explore and experience the role Catholicism might play in their existence. The class is every Monday night from 7:30 -9:30 all the way until the end of May. Their dearest and deepest hope is that all their students complete the course and graduate as fully baptized Catholics. In my entrance interview, I made it crystal that if for a second I felt like I was about to be victimized by being baptized against my will – that I would run. And I wasn’t afraid to take down the lovely old course moderator on my way out. Mikes has trained me well with all his shoving strategies witnessed on the subway.
Background: I was doing this to make Aunty happy. That’s all. I was learning about Mikeys religion, his ideologies, the roots of his belief system so in the event (lord forbid) we have children – I’ve got the tools to point them in the right direction. I’m not resentful for making this decision – it’s actually one of the clearest indicators that I must truly adore this man. However, I made it abundantly clear that while I was Hindu by birth, I was a practicing Hindu by choice. Arey Bhaghavan, I’ve got an Om emblazoned on the left side of my chest to reflect this definition of self. It is a key piece in the jana puzzle – and adamantly, I choose to keep it so. Now think about it people - could there be a worse candidate for conversion? That’s like marrying someone who proudly showcases a permanent tattoo of his ex’s name on his forehead – yup, see what I mean. No good can come of a union like that.
The Experience: The actual class was a group of 10. People were there for all types of reasons from completing missed confirmations, implementing a unified religion in their family, finding themselves, reconnecting with God, looking for answers, exploring due to an impending marriage – you name it – the room reflected it. And I didn’t feel as lost, as compromised, as sacrificial a lamb as I assumed I would. Actually, I was quite amazed by the experience.
You see, growing up in a convent made sure that I understood the Catholic faith, growing up with a mother who is inherently fascinated by all things catholic meant I learnt to respect it. In our little pooja room, Jesus hangs out with his homie Ganesh and they sure as heck kick it with Buddha on the occasion. I’d always envied my friends (real and flog bound) who have these communal religious groups that they participate in – activities, socials, athletics, prayer meets, conventions – you name it, these church bound people were doing it. It was the sense of community that my religion lacked. Ours exists as a purely personal bond with God – one that has no sermons, no publicized teachings, no take aways and action items – it was spirituality and religion at its purest form – man cocooning himself hungrily in that circle of divinity. And this is what I enjoy about being Hindu – that I can create a personal bond to soothe the restlessness within – no rules, just open doors. And that’s how we coexist with religion in my home.
So anyways, it’s not like I had my hate on when I embarked on this journey. But, I was surprised. Here you had, 10 people – jaded, cynical, weather beaten and worn down by life experiences – willing to place their trust in a higher power. Think newborns as they grasp at their mother’s nipple – trusting and vulnerable. I discovered things about these people that showcased their depth – things that you wouldn’t share with complete strangers, things you’d think twice to share with acquaintances. There in that little room, around that rectangular table – something shifted. And I witnessed the seed of humanity –which we all share – unequivocally. It’s eye opening to be in a room with that much faith, even the course director was amazed at what a wonderful introductory session we had. I felt closer to these people as we exited the building – excited to reconvene the following Monday.
And on my way home that night, I came to a tiny little miniscule revelation. I liked it. Now now, lets not get ahead of ourselves – I won’t be banging down any doors to dunk my head in holy water and call myself Anne but, maybe I’ll find a reason to claim this deed for myself. Like I told Mikey’s mom the morning after my foray into the other side – while I started this journey of faith to appease her I might actually find enough reasons to continue my commitment for myself. And THAT my dear friends, is HUGE.
After all, God by any name and any label is still God. It’s the simple and true knowledge that there is a higher power that exists above us all – a power that guides us and has set about a pre-determined purpose to our existences. Having that faith absolves you of bearing the burdens of the entire world on your own human shoulders. Seeing that light lets you rise above the pettiness of your current context – it breeds humility and nurtures awe for that elusive bigger picture. It helps you realize that while life can be fragile – that there is no doubt a fleet of higher beings looking out for the wellness of the world – a sect that you belong to by merely being alive.Now, is that comforting? Absolutely.
That night I walked out awakened. To myself. My spirituality. My religion. His religion. And the knowledge that at our very core we really are all the same, despite our personal paths or journey.
And that is the beginning of a world filled with epiphanies and revelations…
For those of you who haven’t brushed up on your Catholicism as of late – RCIA stands for Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults. This is where strayed herds flock to reconnect with their faith and repent their past wrongs by delving into and completing their sacraments. It also happens to be phase 1 for other livestock, (re: hindu, muslim, jewish cattle etc), to explore and experience the role Catholicism might play in their existence. The class is every Monday night from 7:30 -9:30 all the way until the end of May. Their dearest and deepest hope is that all their students complete the course and graduate as fully baptized Catholics. In my entrance interview, I made it crystal that if for a second I felt like I was about to be victimized by being baptized against my will – that I would run. And I wasn’t afraid to take down the lovely old course moderator on my way out. Mikes has trained me well with all his shoving strategies witnessed on the subway.
Background: I was doing this to make Aunty happy. That’s all. I was learning about Mikeys religion, his ideologies, the roots of his belief system so in the event (lord forbid) we have children – I’ve got the tools to point them in the right direction. I’m not resentful for making this decision – it’s actually one of the clearest indicators that I must truly adore this man. However, I made it abundantly clear that while I was Hindu by birth, I was a practicing Hindu by choice. Arey Bhaghavan, I’ve got an Om emblazoned on the left side of my chest to reflect this definition of self. It is a key piece in the jana puzzle – and adamantly, I choose to keep it so. Now think about it people - could there be a worse candidate for conversion? That’s like marrying someone who proudly showcases a permanent tattoo of his ex’s name on his forehead – yup, see what I mean. No good can come of a union like that.
The Experience: The actual class was a group of 10. People were there for all types of reasons from completing missed confirmations, implementing a unified religion in their family, finding themselves, reconnecting with God, looking for answers, exploring due to an impending marriage – you name it – the room reflected it. And I didn’t feel as lost, as compromised, as sacrificial a lamb as I assumed I would. Actually, I was quite amazed by the experience.
You see, growing up in a convent made sure that I understood the Catholic faith, growing up with a mother who is inherently fascinated by all things catholic meant I learnt to respect it. In our little pooja room, Jesus hangs out with his homie Ganesh and they sure as heck kick it with Buddha on the occasion. I’d always envied my friends (real and flog bound) who have these communal religious groups that they participate in – activities, socials, athletics, prayer meets, conventions – you name it, these church bound people were doing it. It was the sense of community that my religion lacked. Ours exists as a purely personal bond with God – one that has no sermons, no publicized teachings, no take aways and action items – it was spirituality and religion at its purest form – man cocooning himself hungrily in that circle of divinity. And this is what I enjoy about being Hindu – that I can create a personal bond to soothe the restlessness within – no rules, just open doors. And that’s how we coexist with religion in my home.
So anyways, it’s not like I had my hate on when I embarked on this journey. But, I was surprised. Here you had, 10 people – jaded, cynical, weather beaten and worn down by life experiences – willing to place their trust in a higher power. Think newborns as they grasp at their mother’s nipple – trusting and vulnerable. I discovered things about these people that showcased their depth – things that you wouldn’t share with complete strangers, things you’d think twice to share with acquaintances. There in that little room, around that rectangular table – something shifted. And I witnessed the seed of humanity –which we all share – unequivocally. It’s eye opening to be in a room with that much faith, even the course director was amazed at what a wonderful introductory session we had. I felt closer to these people as we exited the building – excited to reconvene the following Monday.
And on my way home that night, I came to a tiny little miniscule revelation. I liked it. Now now, lets not get ahead of ourselves – I won’t be banging down any doors to dunk my head in holy water and call myself Anne but, maybe I’ll find a reason to claim this deed for myself. Like I told Mikey’s mom the morning after my foray into the other side – while I started this journey of faith to appease her I might actually find enough reasons to continue my commitment for myself. And THAT my dear friends, is HUGE.
After all, God by any name and any label is still God. It’s the simple and true knowledge that there is a higher power that exists above us all – a power that guides us and has set about a pre-determined purpose to our existences. Having that faith absolves you of bearing the burdens of the entire world on your own human shoulders. Seeing that light lets you rise above the pettiness of your current context – it breeds humility and nurtures awe for that elusive bigger picture. It helps you realize that while life can be fragile – that there is no doubt a fleet of higher beings looking out for the wellness of the world – a sect that you belong to by merely being alive.Now, is that comforting? Absolutely.
That night I walked out awakened. To myself. My spirituality. My religion. His religion. And the knowledge that at our very core we really are all the same, despite our personal paths or journey.
And that is the beginning of a world filled with epiphanies and revelations…
Monday, September 11, 2006
Ring a ling a ling..
it's housekeeping.
this morning i awoke to an echoing moan reverberating through the emptiness. Sound bounces off bereft walls making everything sound eerily louder. It must be the stillness that silently accompanies a lifeless void. The knowledge that nothing exists sends a shiver slithering down my spine. Words that once thrived, now shrivelled under the icy gaze of neglect (a cause for public flogging had I been a gardener and this blog my patch of green).
I realized, I was no better than a low down skeevin cheater - that was me. I got caught up in the glitz of the moment. I had forgotten my first love. Kicked my purpose to the curb in a flurry of activity. I had misplaced my reservoir of energy – that which let me introspectively script out the lyrics of the next song. To chart the next notes my life will sing (sans instrumentation of course).
And that's when it hit me.
I haven't been home. For those of you who don't remember me pre-flog - you met me part ways through. I was the verbiage girl - the one who felt far more comfortable hiding and burrowing behind constructions of the alphabet than cheesin’ before a camera. And yet, somewhere between the glare of flashes, I had fallen. Vanity got the best of me and idiom was left alone to wither by the wayside. Cruelly, I had forgotten to fill my most precious room with light.
So welcome home me.
May tomorrow and the days to come be filled with the sheer brilliance of visual sound.
this morning i awoke to an echoing moan reverberating through the emptiness. Sound bounces off bereft walls making everything sound eerily louder. It must be the stillness that silently accompanies a lifeless void. The knowledge that nothing exists sends a shiver slithering down my spine. Words that once thrived, now shrivelled under the icy gaze of neglect (a cause for public flogging had I been a gardener and this blog my patch of green).
I realized, I was no better than a low down skeevin cheater - that was me. I got caught up in the glitz of the moment. I had forgotten my first love. Kicked my purpose to the curb in a flurry of activity. I had misplaced my reservoir of energy – that which let me introspectively script out the lyrics of the next song. To chart the next notes my life will sing (sans instrumentation of course).
And that's when it hit me.
I haven't been home. For those of you who don't remember me pre-flog - you met me part ways through. I was the verbiage girl - the one who felt far more comfortable hiding and burrowing behind constructions of the alphabet than cheesin’ before a camera. And yet, somewhere between the glare of flashes, I had fallen. Vanity got the best of me and idiom was left alone to wither by the wayside. Cruelly, I had forgotten to fill my most precious room with light.
So welcome home me.
May tomorrow and the days to come be filled with the sheer brilliance of visual sound.
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