List # 3: 3 things that i can't control...

that drive the hubs and me into a funk.

1. Other people having babies. This requires an explanation. This weekend the hubs and I lived separately. We did our own thing and yet both our weekends were filled with babies. People making them. Having them. Trying for them. Pining for them. You name it - we saw it. Different circumstances - absolutely. But we both got the same underlying question asked many a time during the last 48 hours - when will it be our turn. Now, it's nobodys business but our own but having a broken diabetic-ridden baby is not our idea of a good time. So i'm figuring out my diabetes while he cools his heels. And we're fine with that. WTH, I'm not even 110% sure that I'm completely ready for a screaming bundle of joy. And yet, when i see all our friends venture down that path - it kinda puts me in a funk. Not because i'm not happy for them - but because their next step makes me feel peer pressured. OMG. That's it. I feel peer pressured to get pregnant.

Now, there's a wonderful reason to procreate.

2. Our families. Obviously a marriage is about negotiating between two very different continents completely removed from one another. There are things that our respective peeps do that drive the other bonkers. It is completely out of our control and we're bound not only by mutual respect and love to shut up and put up - but sometimes, and only sometimes, it drives us both into that grey zone.

And in those moments of sheer madness, for one nanosecond, we wish the other was an orphan, with no ties that bind.


3. Busy Schedules. Okay, so this one is a shadey number three. We always attempt to clear some time for each other and it works on the stuff that we can control. But sometimes, it's not us. I swear. It's the rest of the world. We find ourselves completely bogged down with event, after event, after event. And sure, we could say "no" and politely decline or just pretend we never got the invite - but most of these events spring from people that are close to us where the guilt of saying no - would be more haunting than the act of just playing along. And so we do. But of course, the lack of alone time slowly eats away at the seams of our relationship until a lonesome thread unravels and someone loses an eye.

This weekend was a combination of all three things. Thankfully none of them blew up to the point of no return. But i wonder...how strong is our bond...how much can it take..and we haven't even reached our year 2 milestone.

List Two: Five Flaws

Easter was nice. Busy but nice. I did something that I am highly unaccustomed to doing: giving away my stuff. AKA - a wardrobe purge. Mikey forced me into it - and considering that i had 6/7 things per hanger squished into my slidey closet - it made total sense. More so because I spend a fair bit on my clothes - and as much as I hate to admit it - your clothes do need some breathing room. So 3 garbage bags later - my closet feels lighter and strangely my life more organized. Who knew my clothes had so much to do with everything in my life!

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Flaw one: i am all or nothing - all the time about everything.

Flaw two: i expect too much from people - from simple things like etiquette to bigger and more illustrious things.

Flaw three: i am loyal to a fault when we're talking about people i love.

Flaw four: i start things on a whim but rarely see them through.

Flaw five: i am allergic to the idea of saving.

Flaw six: i have zero will power about a lot of things.

Flaw seven: i rarely follow instructions.

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hmmm...i could go on i think. but in the hopes of saving my self-esteem from a beat down - i think i'd like to stop now.

My Guilty Pleasure: List 1

A girlfriend at work recently bought a great designy book called Listography: Your Life in Lists. And it’s a gorgeous book for sure – the design is impeccable, the thoughtful renderings, the artistic feel – it’s all papier perfection. Flipping through it, I realized that it’s great fodder for those days when you feel like writing but you have nothing of any consequence to put out there.

So here we go – my first list.

My guilty pleasures (in no particular order):

1. Books: I know, I know. I can borrow them, devour them and return them. But there’s something so gratifying about owning great blocks of moving words…*sigh*

2. Shift dresses : I love a vibrant sheath of tangerine silk. Fuschia? Bring her on! The brighter the better and I will rock it all through the winter. Although recently – grey is my new neutral black.

3. Coffee: Despite the economic situation – I can always rationalize a great cup of coffee despite its price tag.

4. Fresh cut papaya/pineapple: a winter splurge that my belly loves and a summer staple I look forward to.

5. ‘Spend the days’ at home with the fam: it rejuvenates my spirit, refreshes my mind and readies me for the week ahead. Sure I feel bad that I leave my hubs for a whole day every weekend but hey, personal space can be a strengthening element in a marriage.

6. White summery linen: anything.

7. 700 Thread Count Sheets: swoon.

8. Long chats with bestie: a necessity

9. South Asian Literature: I’m not biased. I just have a favorite that my mind gravitates towards.

10. Shopping. I know I shouldn’t, especially now. But I love it.

this morning

there's one thing eating me that i haven't eaten - just yet.

i am consumed by this insanely ravenous hunger. And you guessed it ladies - it's probably THAT time of the month (or at least I hope so). And i can only tell because if someone unleashed me, i would probably eat the roof over my head.

just another reason being a woman isn't all fun and games.

i must go now, the roof calls.

i. am. an. addict.

to all sorts of things.

and these days, it has become far more apparent than it ever was.

I mean, i always knew I had that "all or nothing" personality happening and I knew that liking something consistently (in my case for more than 2 days) meant it quickly became a habit. You won't believe how many times I've squealed "i can't live without !!!!"

And yet, today, I'm surprised by this observation.

Here are three things I've become extremely addicted to in the last 6 weeks:

* trolling the jcrew website - i am hurtin' for one of everything. prayin', wishin' and hopin' beyond belief that this recessionary crap subsides so i can purchase away to my hearts content, minus the doom of the exchange rate. unfortunately, the hubs has made it very clear that he refuses to oblige my jcrew addiction when it comes to paying that venomous cross-border shipping charge. can someone start working on that please?!?!

* shopping in general for all sorts of things. the rest of the world is focused on holding on to what they've got. My silly brain on the other hand sees this as the perfect opportunity to find everything i need - in the colour i want, in MY size. See how i rationalized that? I do this everyday. Everyday, i have the urge to spend.

(i should think about adopting a 30 day no-shopping cleanse. oh who am i kidding! i'd rather starve than not shop - which also brings me to addiction #3)

* i'm obsessed with the weight that i've gained. for those of you who know me, you know i started the whole insulin treatment thang. well it's great for my future babies since they won't have to suffocate in an overly-sweet belly environment - but not so great for my carefully designed wardrobe. The pay-off of healthy babies doesn't seem to be enough to rationalize this one, right now at least. I've gained 14lbs over the last 4 months. What The HELL is up with that?!!?!? So my new obsession - working out in the mornings - healthy you say? Nah, only because like the shopping, food/coffee and literature addictions - it consumes every waking moment. And it's now a disease.

i.need.help.

hence the hiatus.

I've been feeling out of sorts as of late. Discombobulated by life, if you will. Caught up in a whirlwind of things - emotions, events, evolution. I feel burdened and yet strangely irresponsibly free.

And amidst all that, i stopped blogging. All it took was 2 days and i was hooked on the action of not coming back.

and we're back full circle.

let's see if i remember this spot tomorrow.