huh.
that's pretty much the resounding feeling on my end.
huh!
unexpected.
it dropped yesterday
B's fine, i however, not so much.
i will be cleaning out my things
and moving on - solo
tomorrow.
wish me luck people
yet another scary chapter awaits my arrival
now if only i can peel myself away from my hiding place of tears
i should be okay.
guess karma is a bitch
except i dont remember what i did to deserve this
forecast: better things to come in the near future
or atleast that's what i keep telling my poor shoddy self.
for those who know me and love me - my new email address is the following:
firstname.lastname@rogers.com
please keep in touch, cuz i need all the comfort i can get.
especially right now.
bleh.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Keyword: compromise.
OMG: 5 more days until Appa and R get home. The countdown begins.
--
This weekend was a learner. Nope, not a euphemism for anything. It means exactly what it says. I learned a lot more this weekend about “realationships” than ever before. I finally, yes I know it took me a while, figured out this compromise thing or at least what I need to do to make things bearable and shoot, even just kosher. It’s a lot of work people, this relationship thing. That might also explain why I shyed away from being committed during the bulk of my 20’s. It’s just too much work.
Friday: Magic’s Big Chill birthday night. He loved the magic bullet and I’m mad excited to drop by and test it out. The crowd: so so. The food: absolutely scrumptious. S: such a diplomatic wifey. I learned a lot from her that night. I realized that sometimes you’ve gotta grit your teeth and grin through the unbearable. To realize that you might not have much in common with your partners pals but to understand their importance in his existence. And to let it flow. That’s what I learned. You have to let things go. M&I got into a massive kerkuffle after we abruptly departed from their crib. You see, M doesn’t dig the whole scarborough scene. Unfortunately, I was born into it. While “ghettoness” doesn’t define any of the members of the inner circle, we’re all well versed in adapting to it, tolerating it and oftentimes feigning enjoyment through it. M was born with a defective gene – he can only take so much ghettoness. (according to my mom that’s a blessing in disguise – I guess I should feel lucky in the knowledge that he’d never subject me to uncomfortable situations) Yet, I’ve broken the pack. And I, blind to this fact, subject him to the ghetto-ness he despises on a weekly basis (or so it seems) in the name of “love”.
Moral of the story: I promise to ask him if he’d like to join in on the ghetto rumble before subjecting him to it. And in the event he doesn’t feel up to it, I promise to let it go and enjoy the evening solo. Pinky swear. Finally, he can look forward to choices and options. ☺
Sat: completely chill. Took care of my dear momma whose got 5 stitches between her thumb and index finger. A duel she had with a green pepper and an obnoxious knife. She’s been out of commission for the last 5 days. I never realized just how much she does for us – how much she does to make sure that the house runs as smoothly and as seamlessly as it does. She works hard to make our brick house, a home. And it’s been another well deserved lesson. I’d also like to thank the powers that be for R who so willingly abandoned his own mom on moving day (rip:203) to drive mine to the emergency. And to M who chauffered her to some vital appointments on Friday even though he’s got a huge FA4 demon to slay. And to little R whose trying her best to keep up with all these changes. Oh yes, and we also watched A lot like love on sat night. Surprisingly, okay. I’d watch it again. Me thinks. I also spent a good chunk of the weekend shopping for baby R’s birthday basket. While I’m sure that everyone is going to bombard her with tacky outfits and gold jewelry, M &I are hell bent on making the kid smart as a whip. Hopefully, she’ll take to all the educational cajoling.
Sun: Spent the morning with baby R, T&J in their beautiful “almost” Brampton home. It was fun just kicking it with her. She’s so animated now – full of expressions and hours of watchable fun. I can see her emerging personality – she promises to be quick witted, quick tempered and incredibly possessive. Woot! Another little me. After a lunch of jerk chicken and some more crawling on all fours, we headed out to M’s house. And of course, it was a pleasure seeing Aunty. I haven’t actually chilled with her in so long.
Another lesson: When I first met M’s mom, I thought to myself – she will be my undoing. She seemed remote, removed and just cold. And now, I can’t believe how loved I feel whenever im with them. They try their hardest to make me feel like I belong and I am so lucky. Cuz honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better family to hang out with. I watched my usually-shy mom hanging out with Aunty and Uncle and realized that things will be okay. My life, if it were to change in a unionized manner, would be a-okay. My fam will get along famously with my extended fam. I think last night, I stumbled upon the realization that I kinda sorta love them. Weird. But, true. It felt a lot like love. I’m not sure if it truly was but it sure had the same type of accompaniments. I saw all of em sitting in the living room shooting the shit and it whacked me upside my head: OMG, I’m so in love with this.
This being that feeling of purely seamless integration. Scientifically speaking, it’s the super-gene. When two totally unrelated strands are joined together and they take to each other. A transplant almost – but of a mutual nature.
Blissed out. It almost makes me forget that my blood sugar is out of control. Almost makes me forget that I still need to tackle this beast that breathes inside me. It also almost makes me remember how badly I want to stick around to see all this play out. So, new resolution for the day. Oprah says you can do anything once you sit your brain down and say “I decide to…”. So, I decide to quit smoking. I had what I hope is my last one (for a while) today. I’m not going to purchase a pack (as I often do on a Monday). The hardest part is not the cravings. It’s the habitual nature of this game. Its ritualistic. And that’s so much tougher to crack. But heck, no pain no gain.
So wish me luck as I try to ween myself off this crap. My clothes will thank me and hopefully, if I’m strong enough about this I’ll be around to watch all this loveliness unfold. I mean, I’ve got baby R to train into the nouveau fem intellect she promises to be. I’ve got Rsquared and their epic to follow. And R&B’s love story to watch unfold. I’ve got so much to do and I just hope that my self control doesn’t fall through.
I already feel brand new.
No I don’t. I just figured that was a good way to end a piece like this.
The sad truth: my throat is closing in at the thought of changing things.
The older I get the more I realize how much I hate, change.
Happy Monday.
--
This weekend was a learner. Nope, not a euphemism for anything. It means exactly what it says. I learned a lot more this weekend about “realationships” than ever before. I finally, yes I know it took me a while, figured out this compromise thing or at least what I need to do to make things bearable and shoot, even just kosher. It’s a lot of work people, this relationship thing. That might also explain why I shyed away from being committed during the bulk of my 20’s. It’s just too much work.
Friday: Magic’s Big Chill birthday night. He loved the magic bullet and I’m mad excited to drop by and test it out. The crowd: so so. The food: absolutely scrumptious. S: such a diplomatic wifey. I learned a lot from her that night. I realized that sometimes you’ve gotta grit your teeth and grin through the unbearable. To realize that you might not have much in common with your partners pals but to understand their importance in his existence. And to let it flow. That’s what I learned. You have to let things go. M&I got into a massive kerkuffle after we abruptly departed from their crib. You see, M doesn’t dig the whole scarborough scene. Unfortunately, I was born into it. While “ghettoness” doesn’t define any of the members of the inner circle, we’re all well versed in adapting to it, tolerating it and oftentimes feigning enjoyment through it. M was born with a defective gene – he can only take so much ghettoness. (according to my mom that’s a blessing in disguise – I guess I should feel lucky in the knowledge that he’d never subject me to uncomfortable situations) Yet, I’ve broken the pack. And I, blind to this fact, subject him to the ghetto-ness he despises on a weekly basis (or so it seems) in the name of “love”.
Moral of the story: I promise to ask him if he’d like to join in on the ghetto rumble before subjecting him to it. And in the event he doesn’t feel up to it, I promise to let it go and enjoy the evening solo. Pinky swear. Finally, he can look forward to choices and options. ☺
Sat: completely chill. Took care of my dear momma whose got 5 stitches between her thumb and index finger. A duel she had with a green pepper and an obnoxious knife. She’s been out of commission for the last 5 days. I never realized just how much she does for us – how much she does to make sure that the house runs as smoothly and as seamlessly as it does. She works hard to make our brick house, a home. And it’s been another well deserved lesson. I’d also like to thank the powers that be for R who so willingly abandoned his own mom on moving day (rip:203) to drive mine to the emergency. And to M who chauffered her to some vital appointments on Friday even though he’s got a huge FA4 demon to slay. And to little R whose trying her best to keep up with all these changes. Oh yes, and we also watched A lot like love on sat night. Surprisingly, okay. I’d watch it again. Me thinks. I also spent a good chunk of the weekend shopping for baby R’s birthday basket. While I’m sure that everyone is going to bombard her with tacky outfits and gold jewelry, M &I are hell bent on making the kid smart as a whip. Hopefully, she’ll take to all the educational cajoling.
Sun: Spent the morning with baby R, T&J in their beautiful “almost” Brampton home. It was fun just kicking it with her. She’s so animated now – full of expressions and hours of watchable fun. I can see her emerging personality – she promises to be quick witted, quick tempered and incredibly possessive. Woot! Another little me. After a lunch of jerk chicken and some more crawling on all fours, we headed out to M’s house. And of course, it was a pleasure seeing Aunty. I haven’t actually chilled with her in so long.
Another lesson: When I first met M’s mom, I thought to myself – she will be my undoing. She seemed remote, removed and just cold. And now, I can’t believe how loved I feel whenever im with them. They try their hardest to make me feel like I belong and I am so lucky. Cuz honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better family to hang out with. I watched my usually-shy mom hanging out with Aunty and Uncle and realized that things will be okay. My life, if it were to change in a unionized manner, would be a-okay. My fam will get along famously with my extended fam. I think last night, I stumbled upon the realization that I kinda sorta love them. Weird. But, true. It felt a lot like love. I’m not sure if it truly was but it sure had the same type of accompaniments. I saw all of em sitting in the living room shooting the shit and it whacked me upside my head: OMG, I’m so in love with this.
This being that feeling of purely seamless integration. Scientifically speaking, it’s the super-gene. When two totally unrelated strands are joined together and they take to each other. A transplant almost – but of a mutual nature.
Blissed out. It almost makes me forget that my blood sugar is out of control. Almost makes me forget that I still need to tackle this beast that breathes inside me. It also almost makes me remember how badly I want to stick around to see all this play out. So, new resolution for the day. Oprah says you can do anything once you sit your brain down and say “I decide to…”. So, I decide to quit smoking. I had what I hope is my last one (for a while) today. I’m not going to purchase a pack (as I often do on a Monday). The hardest part is not the cravings. It’s the habitual nature of this game. Its ritualistic. And that’s so much tougher to crack. But heck, no pain no gain.
So wish me luck as I try to ween myself off this crap. My clothes will thank me and hopefully, if I’m strong enough about this I’ll be around to watch all this loveliness unfold. I mean, I’ve got baby R to train into the nouveau fem intellect she promises to be. I’ve got Rsquared and their epic to follow. And R&B’s love story to watch unfold. I’ve got so much to do and I just hope that my self control doesn’t fall through.
I already feel brand new.
No I don’t. I just figured that was a good way to end a piece like this.
The sad truth: my throat is closing in at the thought of changing things.
The older I get the more I realize how much I hate, change.
Happy Monday.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Alas, the scent of autumn is here.
The weather is our seasonal cowbell. Ringing torturously, it signals the changing time. In this case, the coming of fall.
It’s quite the foreboding sign when you wake up and realize that it’s too bloody chilly to walk out wearing a tank top with no cover. For people like myself who didn’t consider the recent tornado alert and flooding to be a sign of seasonal change – the wardrobe re-think certainly is. And if that’s not enough – its CNE time.
Quite frankly though, a secret part of me – that hides in fear of public flogging – loves the fall. The sense of change, of evolution, of something anything to mix things up. However, that secret part of me hides quivering behind the truth that with fall comes the torment of winter. Brrr.
Philosophical meanderings aside – here’s the synopsis for the weekend.
Friday night we convened at Red Lobster – the regular crew to celebrate M’s new job. As always we shared lots of laughs, our hidden fears, a few friendly jabs and tones of unwanted advise. M starts her gig today. I’m sure she’s going to be wonderful at it. Her nerves are a sign that her psychological self understands the hugeness of this step – we’re all grown up. Literally.
P & S are my very own Bridget Jones’ – minus the overt desperation that the aforementioned wears as her cloak. These girls are smart, sexy, salacious, strong and surprisingly single. Go figure! This city is either filled with men who are bordering on legal blindness or metrosexuals too afraid of a strong woman. I’m willing to bet it’s a little bit of both. After all, I’d be afraid of painting myself into the idiotbox with an opinionated woman as well. No matter, things will be exactly as they were destined to be – unless you build a fort and hide behind it for fear of getting ouched. We’re gonna run a little experiment that mirrors ABC’s (or is it NBC’s) Hooking Up. Independent women sifting through profiles of hopefully independent men, online. I still have to work out the semantics of it all before I open a veritable pandora’s box. Stay tuned.
Sat – the big chill. Mom, R & me ran some errands, did some chores and then plopped on her bed and watched a hindi movie. Yup, it was soo nice. The movie itself was sub-par but the actual activity of relaxing with my mom was amazing. I tend to forget how awesome she is – how much she does for us – how badly she wants to shelter us from everything – how much she misses dad. I tend to forget all the reasons why I should be forever indebted to her – and why I should be grateful for having the privilege of being one part Mrs. R.
Sat night: S&Magic, R (minus his R) and M&I showed up massively late for a surprise birthday party. Surprise! It was nerve wracking. Tamil people (young or old) mixed with alcohol never makes for good clean fun. Instead, it was a bombardment of noise, chaos and drunken misbehavior. Magic and I decided that we hate surprises. No massively embarrassing moments for us thank you. We’ll just do regular chill sessions minus the drunken unmanageable crowds. R, we decided loves to be in the thick of things. Poor kid, he misses my sister madly. However, he is quite smart because he told me straight up – once R gets back – I get her all of Friday. Woo! After the fete we went back to S&Magics place and hung out on the front porch. Now, that was an awesome way to end a hectic evening. Flare magazine had this article on “hiving” – it’s this phenomenon that’s taking the twenty something to thirty something generation by storm. Instead of going out and getting lushed – the trend is to invite friends over to your home and get lushed. A variation of cocooning but heck, it’s far more enjoyable than screaming “excuse me, would you mind taking your massive girth off my feet?” at some anonymous club.
Sunday – work. And work is still love, actualized. Oh and M surprised me with a stopover. Gosh, i love him to pieces.
I slept on dad’s side of the bed last night. I miss him. The way he loses his temper. The way he shakes his head in disappointment for the tiniest little thing (like finding the milk jug empty) – just everything. God I miss him. And I miss R even more. I never realized how lonely this life can be without a best friend around. But whining aside – 12 more days to go.
Work calls. Well, she’s actually like a banshee – screaming her lungs out.
It’s quite the foreboding sign when you wake up and realize that it’s too bloody chilly to walk out wearing a tank top with no cover. For people like myself who didn’t consider the recent tornado alert and flooding to be a sign of seasonal change – the wardrobe re-think certainly is. And if that’s not enough – its CNE time.
Quite frankly though, a secret part of me – that hides in fear of public flogging – loves the fall. The sense of change, of evolution, of something anything to mix things up. However, that secret part of me hides quivering behind the truth that with fall comes the torment of winter. Brrr.
Philosophical meanderings aside – here’s the synopsis for the weekend.
Friday night we convened at Red Lobster – the regular crew to celebrate M’s new job. As always we shared lots of laughs, our hidden fears, a few friendly jabs and tones of unwanted advise. M starts her gig today. I’m sure she’s going to be wonderful at it. Her nerves are a sign that her psychological self understands the hugeness of this step – we’re all grown up. Literally.
P & S are my very own Bridget Jones’ – minus the overt desperation that the aforementioned wears as her cloak. These girls are smart, sexy, salacious, strong and surprisingly single. Go figure! This city is either filled with men who are bordering on legal blindness or metrosexuals too afraid of a strong woman. I’m willing to bet it’s a little bit of both. After all, I’d be afraid of painting myself into the idiotbox with an opinionated woman as well. No matter, things will be exactly as they were destined to be – unless you build a fort and hide behind it for fear of getting ouched. We’re gonna run a little experiment that mirrors ABC’s (or is it NBC’s) Hooking Up. Independent women sifting through profiles of hopefully independent men, online. I still have to work out the semantics of it all before I open a veritable pandora’s box. Stay tuned.
Sat – the big chill. Mom, R & me ran some errands, did some chores and then plopped on her bed and watched a hindi movie. Yup, it was soo nice. The movie itself was sub-par but the actual activity of relaxing with my mom was amazing. I tend to forget how awesome she is – how much she does for us – how badly she wants to shelter us from everything – how much she misses dad. I tend to forget all the reasons why I should be forever indebted to her – and why I should be grateful for having the privilege of being one part Mrs. R.
Sat night: S&Magic, R (minus his R) and M&I showed up massively late for a surprise birthday party. Surprise! It was nerve wracking. Tamil people (young or old) mixed with alcohol never makes for good clean fun. Instead, it was a bombardment of noise, chaos and drunken misbehavior. Magic and I decided that we hate surprises. No massively embarrassing moments for us thank you. We’ll just do regular chill sessions minus the drunken unmanageable crowds. R, we decided loves to be in the thick of things. Poor kid, he misses my sister madly. However, he is quite smart because he told me straight up – once R gets back – I get her all of Friday. Woo! After the fete we went back to S&Magics place and hung out on the front porch. Now, that was an awesome way to end a hectic evening. Flare magazine had this article on “hiving” – it’s this phenomenon that’s taking the twenty something to thirty something generation by storm. Instead of going out and getting lushed – the trend is to invite friends over to your home and get lushed. A variation of cocooning but heck, it’s far more enjoyable than screaming “excuse me, would you mind taking your massive girth off my feet?” at some anonymous club.
Sunday – work. And work is still love, actualized. Oh and M surprised me with a stopover. Gosh, i love him to pieces.
I slept on dad’s side of the bed last night. I miss him. The way he loses his temper. The way he shakes his head in disappointment for the tiniest little thing (like finding the milk jug empty) – just everything. God I miss him. And I miss R even more. I never realized how lonely this life can be without a best friend around. But whining aside – 12 more days to go.
Work calls. Well, she’s actually like a banshee – screaming her lungs out.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Perspective
it seems to have shifted by 180 degrees.
after trimming the blubber off my emotional drama, i dawned upon the simple realization that - it will okay.
R left me a love note filled with comfort and i was grateful that she hadn't forgotten.
today promises to be one hectic day - actually scratch that - this week promises to be nutty.
in work, i will renew my solace.
god bless.
after trimming the blubber off my emotional drama, i dawned upon the simple realization that - it will okay.
R left me a love note filled with comfort and i was grateful that she hadn't forgotten.
today promises to be one hectic day - actually scratch that - this week promises to be nutty.
in work, i will renew my solace.
god bless.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Eureka
i just discovered this:
[A girl crush] refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance.
that's it.
In 1981 on July 21, i felt the first stirrings.
in time, it blossomed into a fully functioning girlcrush.
not a new phenomenon - i mean gosh, there's a muthaeffin definition for it.
that's the woe people: i have always had a huge crush on R. MASSIVE. we tell each other all the time - if nothing else and nobody else existed in our lives - we'd still be fine. idealistic? probably so. But heck, it's the only thing thats been consistent and stable in my existence. She happens to embody my roots.
she is my family. my bestest friend. my bestest half. all of the that and more.
i know, it sounds like i'm certifiably nuts - but quite frankly, im gonna live this high of having discovered that other people are just as fond of lunacy as i am.
gnite.
[A girl crush] refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance.
that's it.
In 1981 on July 21, i felt the first stirrings.
in time, it blossomed into a fully functioning girlcrush.
not a new phenomenon - i mean gosh, there's a muthaeffin definition for it.
that's the woe people: i have always had a huge crush on R. MASSIVE. we tell each other all the time - if nothing else and nobody else existed in our lives - we'd still be fine. idealistic? probably so. But heck, it's the only thing thats been consistent and stable in my existence. She happens to embody my roots.
she is my family. my bestest friend. my bestest half. all of the that and more.
i know, it sounds like i'm certifiably nuts - but quite frankly, im gonna live this high of having discovered that other people are just as fond of lunacy as i am.
gnite.
stuck in the middle of nothing.
Today has been horrific.
For the first time, in a long long long time, i cried inwardly. Only to realize how effin lonely and pathetic that truly is. It resembles my first months at university - still looks, smells and feels the same. the putrid odour of flying solo.
R&R dropped me off at McCowan this morning. Hours before my special friend and appa would board a plane and revisit our roots. We hugged for what felt like a miniscule eternity, on the street, admist stares - holding back tears.
I got on the RT and rode my route to work in complete shambles.
I know it's a 19 day trip.
I know they're gonna have tones of fun.
I know it will fly by.
but none of these things that i happen to know seem to be enough.
nothing fills this gaping void.
I take comfort knowing that my family is safe in our little haven that is fort 1278.
i take comfort in knowing that Appa is merely a phone call or a shout away.
I take comfort knowing that i will see and speak to R through the course of my day.
these are things that i know yet, i've also taken for granted.
gosh i miss em. and it shows.
its been less than 24 hours and its been brutally tough.
partially because i hadn't really prepared for this feeling of utter loss.
i hadn't fully realized how awful it is to feel this alone.
(yes i know, im not ALL alone - i've got friends and stuff - but whatevs)
overly dramatic? sure it is.
why shouldn't it be?
she's my best friend - sometimes, my only one - and she's continents away for 19 days.
i'll be fine.
i always am. i just have to shake this cloak of misery off.
time will fly - because well, thats how time operates
but today was misery
a memorable sort of misery
the type that grips you and keeps you suspended in time
and i unflinchingly let myself wallow in it.
being strong is something everyone does. so why not be completely weak? takes a stronger person to know exactly where their weakness rests...mine is so obviously my inner circle.
so the moral of the story is:
the grey cloudy part: gosh, i should be an adult about this. a grown woman crying because her sister and dad are on vacation? grrr - its enough to make me grind my teeth in sheer anger.
the silver lining: man, i love hard. i love fully and completely and without abandon.And while i don't love many, the few people i do bring me tremendous joy - and im such a sucker for a moment of happiness.
today has been miserable.
but tomorrow is definitely a new day.
i can barely verbalize, vocalize or rationalize anything on a page right now
im such a mess. torrid and dramatic. that's me.
tomorrow, common sense will ensue.
i promise.
but in the meantime, can i bum some of that valium please?
For the first time, in a long long long time, i cried inwardly. Only to realize how effin lonely and pathetic that truly is. It resembles my first months at university - still looks, smells and feels the same. the putrid odour of flying solo.
R&R dropped me off at McCowan this morning. Hours before my special friend and appa would board a plane and revisit our roots. We hugged for what felt like a miniscule eternity, on the street, admist stares - holding back tears.
I got on the RT and rode my route to work in complete shambles.
I know it's a 19 day trip.
I know they're gonna have tones of fun.
I know it will fly by.
but none of these things that i happen to know seem to be enough.
nothing fills this gaping void.
I take comfort knowing that my family is safe in our little haven that is fort 1278.
i take comfort in knowing that Appa is merely a phone call or a shout away.
I take comfort knowing that i will see and speak to R through the course of my day.
these are things that i know yet, i've also taken for granted.
gosh i miss em. and it shows.
its been less than 24 hours and its been brutally tough.
partially because i hadn't really prepared for this feeling of utter loss.
i hadn't fully realized how awful it is to feel this alone.
(yes i know, im not ALL alone - i've got friends and stuff - but whatevs)
overly dramatic? sure it is.
why shouldn't it be?
she's my best friend - sometimes, my only one - and she's continents away for 19 days.
i'll be fine.
i always am. i just have to shake this cloak of misery off.
time will fly - because well, thats how time operates
but today was misery
a memorable sort of misery
the type that grips you and keeps you suspended in time
and i unflinchingly let myself wallow in it.
being strong is something everyone does. so why not be completely weak? takes a stronger person to know exactly where their weakness rests...mine is so obviously my inner circle.
so the moral of the story is:
the grey cloudy part: gosh, i should be an adult about this. a grown woman crying because her sister and dad are on vacation? grrr - its enough to make me grind my teeth in sheer anger.
the silver lining: man, i love hard. i love fully and completely and without abandon.And while i don't love many, the few people i do bring me tremendous joy - and im such a sucker for a moment of happiness.
today has been miserable.
but tomorrow is definitely a new day.
i can barely verbalize, vocalize or rationalize anything on a page right now
im such a mess. torrid and dramatic. that's me.
tomorrow, common sense will ensue.
i promise.
but in the meantime, can i bum some of that valium please?
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Exhausted.
Emotionally.
Physically.
Mentally.
Creatively.
And to make bad– worse :
I’m getting sick, AGAIN.
Hooray for me!
--
this calls for a semi-hiatus.
a mini break which will hopefully result in introspection
because at this moment
it seems to be the one thing i lack
time alone to think.
Physically.
Mentally.
Creatively.
And to make bad– worse :
I’m getting sick, AGAIN.
Hooray for me!
--
this calls for a semi-hiatus.
a mini break which will hopefully result in introspection
because at this moment
it seems to be the one thing i lack
time alone to think.
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