Eureka

i just discovered this:

[A girl crush] refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance.

that's it.

In 1981 on July 21, i felt the first stirrings.
in time, it blossomed into a fully functioning girlcrush.
not a new phenomenon - i mean gosh, there's a muthaeffin definition for it.

that's the woe people: i have always had a huge crush on R. MASSIVE. we tell each other all the time - if nothing else and nobody else existed in our lives - we'd still be fine. idealistic? probably so. But heck, it's the only thing thats been consistent and stable in my existence. She happens to embody my roots.

she is my family. my bestest friend. my bestest half. all of the that and more.

i know, it sounds like i'm certifiably nuts - but quite frankly, im gonna live this high of having discovered that other people are just as fond of lunacy as i am.

gnite.