Keyword: compromise.

OMG: 5 more days until Appa and R get home. The countdown begins.
--
This weekend was a learner. Nope, not a euphemism for anything. It means exactly what it says. I learned a lot more this weekend about “realationships” than ever before. I finally, yes I know it took me a while, figured out this compromise thing or at least what I need to do to make things bearable and shoot, even just kosher. It’s a lot of work people, this relationship thing. That might also explain why I shyed away from being committed during the bulk of my 20’s. It’s just too much work.

Friday: Magic’s Big Chill birthday night. He loved the magic bullet and I’m mad excited to drop by and test it out. The crowd: so so. The food: absolutely scrumptious. S: such a diplomatic wifey. I learned a lot from her that night. I realized that sometimes you’ve gotta grit your teeth and grin through the unbearable. To realize that you might not have much in common with your partners pals but to understand their importance in his existence. And to let it flow. That’s what I learned. You have to let things go. M&I got into a massive kerkuffle after we abruptly departed from their crib. You see, M doesn’t dig the whole scarborough scene. Unfortunately, I was born into it. While “ghettoness” doesn’t define any of the members of the inner circle, we’re all well versed in adapting to it, tolerating it and oftentimes feigning enjoyment through it. M was born with a defective gene – he can only take so much ghettoness. (according to my mom that’s a blessing in disguise – I guess I should feel lucky in the knowledge that he’d never subject me to uncomfortable situations) Yet, I’ve broken the pack. And I, blind to this fact, subject him to the ghetto-ness he despises on a weekly basis (or so it seems) in the name of “love”.

Moral of the story: I promise to ask him if he’d like to join in on the ghetto rumble before subjecting him to it. And in the event he doesn’t feel up to it, I promise to let it go and enjoy the evening solo. Pinky swear. Finally, he can look forward to choices and options. ☺

Sat: completely chill. Took care of my dear momma whose got 5 stitches between her thumb and index finger. A duel she had with a green pepper and an obnoxious knife. She’s been out of commission for the last 5 days. I never realized just how much she does for us – how much she does to make sure that the house runs as smoothly and as seamlessly as it does. She works hard to make our brick house, a home. And it’s been another well deserved lesson. I’d also like to thank the powers that be for R who so willingly abandoned his own mom on moving day (rip:203) to drive mine to the emergency. And to M who chauffered her to some vital appointments on Friday even though he’s got a huge FA4 demon to slay. And to little R whose trying her best to keep up with all these changes. Oh yes, and we also watched A lot like love on sat night. Surprisingly, okay. I’d watch it again. Me thinks. I also spent a good chunk of the weekend shopping for baby R’s birthday basket. While I’m sure that everyone is going to bombard her with tacky outfits and gold jewelry, M &I are hell bent on making the kid smart as a whip. Hopefully, she’ll take to all the educational cajoling.

Sun: Spent the morning with baby R, T&J in their beautiful “almost” Brampton home. It was fun just kicking it with her. She’s so animated now – full of expressions and hours of watchable fun. I can see her emerging personality – she promises to be quick witted, quick tempered and incredibly possessive. Woot! Another little me. After a lunch of jerk chicken and some more crawling on all fours, we headed out to M’s house. And of course, it was a pleasure seeing Aunty. I haven’t actually chilled with her in so long.
Another lesson: When I first met M’s mom, I thought to myself – she will be my undoing. She seemed remote, removed and just cold. And now, I can’t believe how loved I feel whenever im with them. They try their hardest to make me feel like I belong and I am so lucky. Cuz honestly, I couldn’t have asked for a better family to hang out with. I watched my usually-shy mom hanging out with Aunty and Uncle and realized that things will be okay. My life, if it were to change in a unionized manner, would be a-okay. My fam will get along famously with my extended fam. I think last night, I stumbled upon the realization that I kinda sorta love them. Weird. But, true. It felt a lot like love. I’m not sure if it truly was but it sure had the same type of accompaniments. I saw all of em sitting in the living room shooting the shit and it whacked me upside my head: OMG, I’m so in love with this.

This being that feeling of purely seamless integration. Scientifically speaking, it’s the super-gene. When two totally unrelated strands are joined together and they take to each other. A transplant almost – but of a mutual nature.

Blissed out. It almost makes me forget that my blood sugar is out of control. Almost makes me forget that I still need to tackle this beast that breathes inside me. It also almost makes me remember how badly I want to stick around to see all this play out. So, new resolution for the day. Oprah says you can do anything once you sit your brain down and say “I decide to…”. So, I decide to quit smoking. I had what I hope is my last one (for a while) today. I’m not going to purchase a pack (as I often do on a Monday). The hardest part is not the cravings. It’s the habitual nature of this game. Its ritualistic. And that’s so much tougher to crack. But heck, no pain no gain.

So wish me luck as I try to ween myself off this crap. My clothes will thank me and hopefully, if I’m strong enough about this I’ll be around to watch all this loveliness unfold. I mean, I’ve got baby R to train into the nouveau fem intellect she promises to be. I’ve got Rsquared and their epic to follow. And R&B’s love story to watch unfold. I’ve got so much to do and I just hope that my self control doesn’t fall through.

I already feel brand new.
No I don’t. I just figured that was a good way to end a piece like this.
The sad truth: my throat is closing in at the thought of changing things.

The older I get the more I realize how much I hate, change.

Happy Monday.