Wednesday, April 01, 2009

i. am. an. addict.

to all sorts of things.

and these days, it has become far more apparent than it ever was.

I mean, i always knew I had that "all or nothing" personality happening and I knew that liking something consistently (in my case for more than 2 days) meant it quickly became a habit. You won't believe how many times I've squealed "i can't live without !!!!"

And yet, today, I'm surprised by this observation.

Here are three things I've become extremely addicted to in the last 6 weeks:

* trolling the jcrew website - i am hurtin' for one of everything. prayin', wishin' and hopin' beyond belief that this recessionary crap subsides so i can purchase away to my hearts content, minus the doom of the exchange rate. unfortunately, the hubs has made it very clear that he refuses to oblige my jcrew addiction when it comes to paying that venomous cross-border shipping charge. can someone start working on that please?!?!

* shopping in general for all sorts of things. the rest of the world is focused on holding on to what they've got. My silly brain on the other hand sees this as the perfect opportunity to find everything i need - in the colour i want, in MY size. See how i rationalized that? I do this everyday. Everyday, i have the urge to spend.

(i should think about adopting a 30 day no-shopping cleanse. oh who am i kidding! i'd rather starve than not shop - which also brings me to addiction #3)

* i'm obsessed with the weight that i've gained. for those of you who know me, you know i started the whole insulin treatment thang. well it's great for my future babies since they won't have to suffocate in an overly-sweet belly environment - but not so great for my carefully designed wardrobe. The pay-off of healthy babies doesn't seem to be enough to rationalize this one, right now at least. I've gained 14lbs over the last 4 months. What The HELL is up with that?!!?!? So my new obsession - working out in the mornings - healthy you say? Nah, only because like the shopping, food/coffee and literature addictions - it consumes every waking moment. And it's now a disease.

i.need.help.

hence the hiatus.

I've been feeling out of sorts as of late. Discombobulated by life, if you will. Caught up in a whirlwind of things - emotions, events, evolution. I feel burdened and yet strangely irresponsibly free.

And amidst all that, i stopped blogging. All it took was 2 days and i was hooked on the action of not coming back.

and we're back full circle.

let's see if i remember this spot tomorrow.

2 comments:

Scorps1027 said...

i definitely have an addictive personality! i'm all or nothing about everything in my life. i have to learn how to balance extremes.

i think just balancing everything in your world is a matter of making it a priority to meditate with yourself, either in a time of reflective prayer/meditation or yoga, etc. whatever it takes to just have the noise in your head to 'quiet' down and for you to really address what that noise is up there.

i tend to avoid doing that at times and find solace instead in j.crew and other fun internet sites:) stuff is always just a filler to temporarily fill that gaping hold inside of us.

you know, the first step is always admitting it in this space right here:) i hope to see you on it more often, i've missed your words.

Sue V. said...

you started insulin? bleh. i'm sorry. or is it better this way? i can't imagine poking myself. i hope you only have to do it once a day. your new addiction is a great one...i wish i could become addicted to working out as well...but i'm addicted to being lazy!