Time is trippin out…

Forcing me to inhale the smoggy cloud of smoke that its inevitably left behind.

Everything is on fast forward.

Work: a general shortage of minutes, hours and days. I need more time. Time to give things the attention they fully deserve. Im floundering at times, choking because of my sheer inability to breathe in this oftentimes radioactive slump. I want fraggle rock to come back. I think that might just ease my nerves.

Family: R is driving everyone up the wall. Everyone including dad. Her job ends in a few weeks. She hasn’t decided on school. She’s paralyzed by the fear of failing. Funny how everyone is, to some extent. I called that very spot home for years. Too afraid to truly try. And too cocky to completey fail. I tried to shield myself from the seemingly inescapable ouch of not becoming anything. She’s there. I understand. I’ve tried to help but, I think it might be too late. And that realization kills me. Like giving up on tadpoles still learning the doggypaddle. Like flushing your fledgling of a goldfish into its white ceramic demise. I want to help her. But I think we’ve collectively hurt her too much. We’ve protected her, coddled her, held her and shielded her. We’ve fought her battles, taken on her responsibilities and ultimately, we’ve stunted her growth. So why on earth, does it freak Dad out when I bring this up? I feel like I’m the worst fucking sister in the world because I’ve resigned myself to letting one of our own lag behind. Its frustrating and the fact that time is making its super sonic way to nowhere certainly doesn’t help.

Weddings: R is getting married in 3 weekends and S is getting married in like 34 days or something crazy like that. I’m hobbling to catch up with all the hoopla. It’s nuts.

And my new diabolical friend, the infamous diabetes, is working its magic on me. Regardless of my gym visits, regardless of my no saccharine diet – regardless of how hard I try – I still get these piercing headaches that make me feel absolutely spent. I don’t know what’s wrong but, it will certainly get checked out on June 7th (I have a physical scheduled with my family doctor) – nope, don’t get your hopes up – I didn’t find one. I just merely borrowed my mum’s.

The weekend synopsis:
• Friday: doctors appointments – Dr. A is ageless. This woman is truly ancient folks. She was our family doctor when we first came to Canada (like 17 years ago) and she still looks the same. It gives me the willies. Also watched monster-in-law with R (who was convinced to skip work) at Rainbow Cinemas in Fairview Mall - $4.50 tickets. Enough said.
• Saturday – hanging out with M. He’s the sweetest man ever, The more time I spend with him the more I realize how lucky he is to have me. Hehe. Cocky? Nah, just merely honest. We went to Vaughn Mills with his mommy. Big whoop. People hyped it up waaaay more than it deserved to be, leaving me totally disappointed. I picked up a shirt at H&M and some mad sexy lingerie for $12.50 at La Senza – can’t beat that. Obviously buying lingerie with your boyfriend’s mum isn’t the most ideal of situations but, considering the deal – I lied. Told her it was for someone else. Yup, hell I’m on my way. But at least I’ll be sheathed in the sexiest black 40’s inspired number…woo-hoo.
• Sunday: Family barbeque in Cambridge. Uncle R lent us his van ( what a sweetheart) – I love the man but his van definitely needs to be dunked into a vat of fabreze. We got there – and of course the entire gang was in attendance. It was okay. More fun than I expected. And just long enough to still leave me sane.
• Monday – Uncle R and Aunty made me a hammock bag. Believe it or not, they actually designed and made me an ab-so-lutely adorable orange sheathed piece of bliss. I love it.

So that was that folks. The weekend much like the rest of my frikkin frakkin life felt like it was on fast forward.

Work calls. Bloody hell.

☺