Ho-Lee!

One would imagine that having a condition is laborious.
One imagines wrong.
This condition of mine surpasses hard work.
It also left self control crying like a little pu**y.
Come to think of it, it even made good intentions hit the road.
I’ve succumbed to my horrific reality.

I.AM. BROKEN

And whilst it took me years to beget this disease
And make it fully ownable.
I only owe it the respect to say it will take much longer
Than 3 months to fix it.

It is fixable. (right?)

I promise to be patient.
And tolerant of my short comings.
I can’t control everything.
And once again, it hurts like bleepin hell to realize that.

What I can do however
Is to not give up on myself.
Right.
There it is again.
Faith in the guise of medusa
Each serpent hairline yet another hurdle
Another test
Another truth to unfurl my precious balance.

R spewed profound philosophies on our way home.
According to her:
The androgynous being that lays awake amongst clouds
Likes to pepper human lives with miniature hurdles
Creating his own miniature-obstacle course
And we are merely the pawns in this game.
Hence, when one thing is going well – really really well
Something else breaks
Nothing is stable. Nothing stays the same.
And that’s what we have to learn to take comfort in.
Everything changes. Which gives us fickle minded people a chance to react to each situation individually.

She’s so smart.
And so right.

Looking back in the past year.
I stressed over a job – that was my issue.
That got resolved.
Then I stressed over my man – that was another make believe issue
That got resolved.
I found a moment of joy.
Foolishly assumed it would stretch into a lifetime.
That got dissolved.
I found the dormant beast that lives inside me
And that’s my newest struggle.

Pattern: shit happens and then you learn to deal with it.

Hence, right now, the future looks fixable.

Amen.